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<P><FONT face="" size=2></FONT><FONT size=2>Hello Everyone,</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2>My name is Rachel Bolton, and yes, I am Birgitt William's
daughter :). In November, I attended parts one and four of my mom's
Genuine Contact program (Open Space Technology and Advanced Open Space featuring
the Open Space Organization) in Sweden. It is my hope to take the
remaining parts of the Genuine Contact program within the next few years.
I do this in part because I want to really understand what it is that my mom
does (if only she could have picked an easier career to explain to my friends)
and partly because human interaction fascinates me and it seems to me that human
interaction is at the core of Open <FONT size=2>Space.</FONT></FONT><FONT
size=2></FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2>So, anyway, I joined the list because I wanted to have access to
the archives. I have been reading the messages that have been sent to the
list over the last week or so and wanted to share my story. The reason
that the writing of this story came about is in itself a story that needs to be
told, so here goes. I took the OS trainings in Sweden. The first
training had about 30 people, including 4 that didn't speak Swedish, so it was
agreed upon that all discussion would happen in English. The second
training had only 8 or 9 people, and I was the only one who didn't speak
Swedish. So, in order to make the learning easier for the people who were
there, I agreed not to take part in the small "reflection"
discussions. Instead, my mom asked me to think about and then write the
story of how I was raised in Open Space. What follows my signature is what
the end result has become. It has taken me weeks to write this final
draft. It is pretty long, so I invite you to take some time and
enjoy.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2>Regards,</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2>Rachel Bolton</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2></FONT> </P>
<P><FONT size=2>As Open Space has evolved, many people have begun to wonder if
this would be a good way to raise children. Having been raised in a world of
Open Space I think that I am pretty qualified to say that the answer is an
emphatic yes.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Anyone who practices Open Space knows that it very
quickly becomes more than just the meeting methodology that it was originally
intended to be. It quickly becomes a way of life. For many people, I think that
the logical question becomes, ‘how do I implement this in my family
life?"</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Even though the term Open Space hadn’t been
defined as Open Space when I was born, I think that all of my life has been in
Open Space. For me, the definition of living in Open Space is living in an
environment that has been created to allow me to access my creative self, and
environment which has been safe enough for me to learn to be my authentic self.
It is living in a space that has appropriate structure to grow and define my
individuality.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>I don’t want to give the impression that Open
Space is some kind of new religion or cult, but Open Space has also allowed me
to access Spirit in ways that I never understood were possible. Organized
religions have never been for me. That is not to say that they are wrong or that
everyone should walk away from them. They just weren’t right for me. When
space is opened, it seems to me that it allows a space for Spirit to enter. It
allows for a great and spiritual journey to begin. Open Space and Spirit are
combined for me, as will be reflected in the story that follows.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>I think it would be very hard to commit yourself to
raising your children in Open Space. There are already so many worries as a
parent, but to add Open Space to the mixture would be very scary. For those who
have facilitated Open Space Technology meetings, you will understand the fear.
You work so hard to create an event that lasts for only a few days. In those
days you have to some how hold the Space for the people. There are many
occasions where you want to interfere. To give the answers that the people are
looking for instead of waiting for them to empower themselves and find their own
answer. Imagine trying to hold that Space for your children. To hold it for a
lifetime. As a parent you have to interfere sometimes; if there is danger to
your children, or to others and perhaps only if there is danger. Imagine wanting
to interfere and knowing that it is your job to hold the space and let your
children grow in the controlled chaos that you have created for them. For those
who have the courage, I applaud you and wish you well.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>To be the child living in Open Space is also scary. But
I don’t think it is as bad. As a participant in an Open Space Technology
meeting, there is fear. For many of the participants it is the first time in
their lives that anyone has given them control. To have control over what you do
and what you say. To have control over your own future. To be able to make
choices to make things better, instead of just grumbling with your colleagues
over how you wish things could be. There is fear of having to choose what it is
what you will do and what you will say. There is fear of having control over
your own future. There is fear of making choices, because your choices might not
make things better. Your choices might not be the right ones. What will you do
if your choices aren’t the right ones?</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>To be the child living in Open Space isn’t as
scary as being a participant in an Open Space Technology meeting, in the
beginning. In the innocence of childhood, you don’t realize that this
isn’t the norm. I lived in happy bliss. I was able to make my own
decisions, with the guidance of my parent of course. I was encouraged to follow
my heart. I wanted to take ballet lessons, so I took ballet lessons. I wanted to
switch to tap dancing, so I switched to tap dancing. I wanted to learn to play
the piano, so we bought a piano and I took lessons. I hit 13 and didn’t
want to be a part of that any more, so I stopped. There was no pressure. It
wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore so it was finished. And that was
OK.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>I was never afraid to make my own decisions. I’m
sure that being that young there was a lot of guidance from my parents, but, in
the end, I was still the decision-maker. I learned a lot about making decisions
and the consequences of those decisions when I was very young. We joke now about
how my parents used to bribe us when we were kids, but I think it was a very
effective learning tool. As a child I had a piggy bank. It wasn’t like an
ordinary piggy bank; in fact I’m pretty sure it was a Mason jar. When I
was good, or did things that were helpful, I got to put a poker chip in the jar.
When I was bad, or did things that were destructive, mom got to take a poker
chip out of the jar. When there were 100 chips in the jar, I got to go to the
toy store and pick out a new toy. It was a really great learning for me. I think
that those chips have had a life-long impact on me. I certainly weigh out my
decisions before making them. And to this day, I reward myself with a new toy
(usually clothes or CD’s) when I’ve been especially good.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Being in the safe environment that Open Space creates
also taught me to be my authentic self. I have never been afraid to give voice
to what I believe in. I have never been afraid to take responsibility for what
has heart and meaning for me. I think I was about 8 or 9 the first time I
realized that there could be upsetting consequences for me if I were to choose
to live my life that way. It never occurred to me that there was any other way
and I was very shocked to learn that everyone didn’t live like this. But
even then, I knew that it was the way it should be.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>When I was very young, we lived in a tiny community of
about 1000 people. Everyone knew everyone. There was some sort of common bond
that united everyone, and often it was the children. There were about 20 or 25
kids my age in the community. We all went to the same pre-school and all entered
kindergarten together. At that age, you still don’t comprehend the cliques
that develop in society, so everyone is a friend regardless of their
differences. But, eventually, something happens that shatters the belief that
everyone is equal and you go your separate ways. For me, it was the new girl
that moved into the neighborhood. She had a lot of money, and a cool house. She
was pretty and thin, and absolutely perfect. Everyone wanted to be her friend,
including me. And we all were, except for a few. She may have seemed absolutely
perfect, but she wasn’t really. She was a born leader, which isn’t
such a bad thing, except that it made her very bossy as a child. It was her way
or no way. I couldn’t understand or accept the concept of someone else
telling me what to do. I didn’t want to accept it and very promptly
rejected it. I don’t think anyone had ever done that to her, and if they
had, I’m sure the exact same thing happened to them as did to me. I
rejected her control, and she rejected me. In her rejection of me, everyone else
rejected me. Suddenly, I was part of the few and didn’t understand why. I
couldn’t understand that everyone would band together like that and just
arbitrarily decide not to be my friend any more. The solution was simple, right?
Let her have the control and I could have all of my friends back. But it
wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t go back on my beliefs. Even at that
young age I was clear that I wasn’t going to give up control over my own
life, even if it meant forsaking all of those friends.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>The events that unfolded in my teenage years were also
greatly affected by Open Space. In my childhood I had the appropriate structure
that was needed. It helped me to feel safe, to learn to make decisions and
understand that there were consequences to my decisions. Through Open Space and
the wisdom of my parents, I was encouraged to follow what had passion for me.
The structure grew as I grew. Because I was small, there was very little room in
the structure for chaos, but it was still there.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Then, quite suddenly, I was a teenager. And for those of
you who are waiting with baited breath, no, being raised in this way does not
stop "teenage rebellion" from happening. We all reach a point in our
lives when we have to claim our independence. For those of you who remember
those years, you’ll remember that I did the teenage rebellion thing quite
well.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>At that age there seemed to be two types of parents.
There were those parents who were very involved with their children’s
lives, and in most cases, very controlling of their children’s every move.
Their children worked very hard, either to try to live up to their
parent’s every expectation, or to make sure they lived up to none of it.
There were also the parents who didn’t seem to care about their children.
Those children too worked very hard, in this case to get their parents to notice
them. They either did everything to perfection, or did everything
"bad" that they could to draw attention to themselves.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>My mom didn’t fall into either category. She was
very involved in our lives. But she worked very hard not to try to control us,
and didn’t set up unrealistic expectations of us. She also didn’t
try to control our friends, and didn’t expect too much of them either. As
a result, my mom was, and still is, known as the "cool"
mom.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>She allowed us the Space and at the same time the
security to experiment with new things. Some of these experiments were good, and
she gave her approval. Some of these experiments weren’t so good, and she
expressed her displeasure. But she was never disapproving, and that gave us the
courage to continue to explore new things. Structure grew as we grew. She held
the Space and made the decisions that she felt best. She counseled us in our
grief and shared in our joy. By all means, it wasn’t perfect, but it was
better than most situations.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>While I was growing, my friends too were growing, or
trying to at least. They, too, were doing their best to become adults. They,
too, were trying new things, and trying to decide what it was that they wanted
to do with their lives. However, it was a vastly different situation for them.
Most of my friends had the kind of parents that didn’t really care. Most
of my friends were making the kinds of decisions that lead to bad behavior in
order to get attention. And it worked. More often than not, the interaction they
had with their parents was a lot of yelling. And even when they made good
decisions, their parents never gave them any credit.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>It was the first time in my life that I was in a place
of being able to observe how other people interacted with their parents. It was
really very shocking to realize that everyone didn’t have the same kind of
relationship with their parents that I did. It was really very upsetting to
realize that not everyone was encouraged to follow their hearts and to make the
right decisions. I was very grateful that I had the opportunities and support
that I did.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Eventually, we all got through those years. Many of the
people that I was friends with are still struggling to find their independence
and their identity now that they are into their twenties and living on their
own. I realize that we all struggle to know who we really are for our entire
lives, but for the lucky few, like me, as young adults we have a good basis of
where to start. It was a great shock to me to realize that not everyone has that
base.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>In my last year of high school, my mom faced what I
think was one of her greatest challenges in holding the Space for me. I had
already decided that I was going to go to college and not university. I had
already decided that I wanted to get into the media, but I wasn’t sure
where. Radio? Newspaper? Magazine? The Internet? An ad agency? Or Television? My
parents had committed to paying for my college education, but there wasn’t
enough money for room and board. So, I thought that my choices were limited to
those schools that were within driving distance of home (Hamilton, Ontario). And
then, my dad decided to move to Calgary, Alberta. It never occurred to me that I
could move that far away to go to school until my mom suggested it. What a
courageous and unselfish thing for her to do. And it was the decision I made.
She was able to hold the Space for me to decide to move to the other side of the
country, leaving everything I had ever known behind, to follow my
heart.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>I moved in July 1997, at the age of 18. I was living
with my dad, but I had to learn a whole new way of being. To an extent my mom
continued, and continues, to hold the Space for me. But, without really
understanding it, I had to learn to hold the space for myself. To be truly
independent. My journey has been incredible, like a roller coaster ride, up and
down, with many many loop-de-loops, first going slowly, then suddenly quite
quickly and then slowing down again. Through the encouragement and safety I
received, I am following my heart. Every day I go to work in an incredible
community, knowing that I am still learning and doing exactly what it is I
should be doing.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>The principles of Open Space have taught me so much. If
a situation arises that I want to be a part of, I don’t walk away from it.
I find a way to make it work. I don’t waste my time wondering about the
"could haves" or the "what if I had’s". If something
isn’t serving me, I’m not afraid to walk away from it, confident
that there is something else that I should be doing.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>And at the same time, Open Space has brought Spirit and
an incredible serenity to my life. I know that whatever happens is the only
thing that could have. But I also know that I was the one who allowed those
things to happen. I created those situations. I am responsible for whatever
happened. I am making the choices that allow me to learn the lessons that I need
to learn, and to do the work that I am meant to do.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>I’m not sure how much of my upbringing was as a
result of good parenting and how much of it was a result of living in Open
Space. I’m not even sure that the two are different things. I think that
they compliment each other quite well. I think that they are really entwined
together in a way that is inseparable. Being the facilitator in a group is much
like being a parent. You have to find your way somehow. You want to help, but
not control. Open Space gives you the tools to do it.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>The journey has been hard. Making the decisions that are
true to you aren’t always the easy ones. In fact, it has been my
experience that they are often the harder choices. But they are the rewarding
choices in the end. I know that I am doing what is right for me, and that is the
most important thing. This is not to say that all of my choices in life have
been perfect, in fact I’ve made some pretty stupid choices. But I’ve
also had the courage to recognize that those choices were wrong and to do
something about it.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>For as long as I can remember, I have been encouraged to
follow my heart and dream. I have spent the last few years following that path,
uncertain of where it may lead. The encouragement to do only what I have passion
for has lead me on a very scary journey, moving away from my family and all that
I knew to live on the other side of the country. Spending time in other
countries and unfamiliar places in order to learn and grow. Taking the plunge
into a business that still has the attitude of being "men’s
work" in order to make a difference. None of this could have happened if I
hadn’t had the support and encouragement that my family, and in turn Open
Space provides.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>This support is beyond the love and support that a
mother can provide. It has been in seeing what wonderful things can happen when
you trust in the principle of whatever happens is the only thing that could that
has given me the courage to follow my heart. Being given the space to make my
own decisions about what has heart and meaning for me, and being given the
support of knowing that someone thinks that I and my wisdom are precious has
allowed me to access creative parts of myself, and to find what it is that I
love to do. Open Space allows the participants the chance to have a vision of
their future, the future as it could be if we follow the path that we are on,
and the future that could be if we follow the path we want to take. Being given
this chance of seeing how the future could be is a great blessing and a hardship
at the same time. The choices that are made to follow the right path are not
always easy, and telling yourself that there is joy at the end of the journey
does not always help.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Even though I don’t live with my mother anymore,
and haven’t for some time now, Open Space still affects my life on a daily
basis. It is not just a technique for meetings, it is a way of life, and I am
living it. I know that it isn’t the easiest way to live. Facing your truth
and living it is hard. I’ve lost friends because of it, I’ve moved
half way across the country to follow my dream, leaving everything I knew behind
because of it. It has probably been the source of a lot of my pain. But no
matter how bad things seem sometimes, I’ve learned to trust that it is all
happening because it is what needs to happen. I’ve learned that with the
pain there is also much joy. I’ve learned that being your authentic self
is the only way to live, even if it can be the hard way. It is the best way. Not
only can you look yourself in the mirror every morning, you can enjoy what you
see.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="" size=2>Thank you Mom.</FONT></P></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>