[OSList] Do I need therapy for my OST control attitude ?

Fri Apr 15 02:20:03 PDT 2016

Chris 

When encountering "space invaders" I've always found the sentence... "Sounds like a great session.." 

A very useful internal mantra for anger or antagonism.  As being attacked can freeze one with shock.

If pushed sometimes I say that out loud... sometimes I just play it in my head and it helps ground me. 

As MARSHALL Rosenberg said all anger is the expression of an unmet need. 

Maybe a lot of anger is an as yet unexpressed session.

It could have been a session about the question itself.. 

Best regards,

Phelim McDermott
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> On 15 Apr 2016, at 07:56, Eva P Svensson via OSList <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> wrote:
> 
> Chris
> Smiling when I read ”you need to go to therapy for your need of control” :-) An Open Space facilitator ;-)
> Reminds me of an Open Space some years ago - a ”citizens dialog” around  the city of Stockholm needed to build more place where people can live. It was in an area where it was known that there was heavily resistans to the plans of building. Well, the space was open, I went back to my chair and one man came up to me and wanted to have the microphone to speak first…. I said - ”You are welcome to raise your topic as anyone else” he looked angrily at me and said ”SO! you are violating the democratic process!!!! And I thought with concerns - am I really doing that perhaps? Since I at that time had no experience in what we in Sweden call ”samråd” - i.e you have to involve people in the decisions making process. So I was thinking that may be that was what we did? - but I just had that thought going through my head for a milli second because the next thing the man said to me was ”And besides you can’t speak Swedish!! —> I’m from the south part of Sweden and do not have the accent they speak in Stockholm :-) So then I realized that he just wanted to be angry :-)
> 
> Of course the OST went well, he was still there until the end and the group wonderfully handled his antagonism and he was not able to infect the others :-)
> Trust the process
> :o)
> Eva
> 
> Bästa hälsningar
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> Eva P Svensson
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> "Jag kan inte lära dig något. Allt jag kan göra är att ställa frågor till dig, och låta dig själv finna svaren." Sokrates
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>> 14 apr. 2016 kl. 18:54 skrev Michael Herman via OSList <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org>:
>> 
>> reminds me of an opening i did a long time ago, in an small group, about a dozen, i guess.  on guy who thought he was pretty important interrupted several times, pushing to have a moment to go around the circle and hear names, organizations, titles and such.  i put him off and put him off.  i explained that we'd be learning much more than that about each other very shortly.  
>> 
>> finally, i decided his insisting was more disruptive than actually doing the go-round with names.  we made it a little ways around the circle, when we get to one old and wise community organizer.  he says, quiet and smooth as can be, "my name's lester and i'm just trying to figure out how to be a human being," giving the invader absolutely none of the info he was looking for and opening space for everyone else to answer without answering.  in this case, one more thing to not do was to get out of the way of the invader and let the wisdom in the circle take care of itself. 
>> 
>> AND
>> 
>> i also notice that this guy seemed to be objecting to your theme/question, which apparently was not part of the invitation that these folks responded to.  difficult as this guy might have been, if the invitation changed between what was published (and he rsponded to) and what was stated in the opening, then he might have had a fair concern.  at the same time, if his concern about the spin of the theme wasn't answered when he raised it, before everyone posted topics, then it could easily have seemed too late to raise it afterward.  so in some ways, the guy was really stuck.  it's a difficult thing to raise these structural questions/challenges.  
>> 
>> a different old community organizer friend sometimes took time at the opening to get agreement on the wording of the question.  potentially very chaotic.  i don't think i've ever done this, myself.  sets up a kind of compound open space, opening a conversation on the theme of the conversations we want to have.... but in your situation, this might have been the thing to do.  the guy clearly had some energy, well directed/managed (by himself, i mean) or not, and the way it worked out, this energy was lost to the group.  
>> 
>> thanks for bringing the story, chris.
>> 
>> michael
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>  
>> --
>> 
>> Michael Herman
>> Michael Herman Associates
>> 312-280-7838 (mobile)
>> 
>> http://MichaelHerman.com
>> http://OpenSpaceWorld.org
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>> On Thu, Apr 14, 2016 at 10:17 AM, Lisa Heft - via OSList <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> wrote:
>>> Chris, it sounds like you did all the right things.
>>> 
>>> If we are to honor diversity, then we know that everyone does not feel comfortable in Open Space - and that there is room for them to feel that, too.
>>> You honored the group and its objectives and energies, by asking that man to wait for the agenda to be developed, and you honored that man by separately inviting him to tell you his concern, and by receiving what he felt he needed to say, however he felt he needed to say it. He was mad at you - because he could be. Which to me, is also okay. The group handled itself well, moving forward including (not being de-railed, moving forward) him, in its way. Space for ranting, space for moving forward, space to be witnessed (by you). The group afterwards indicated you had done the right thing.
>>> 
>>> Now, as a collaborative? I think this group should have given you more info, more information that you would be doing something for them, and I’m guessing they could give this man a follow-up to witness and hear his concern, whether he wants to be in the group or not. Because if they wish to continue together, they don’t just get an outsider in there and set them up to deal with this guy and celebrate when this guy leaves. They need to develop their own internal understanding of who they want to be and how they want their membership to work. 
>>> 
>>> But to me, everything you did was invitational, and present. Good job.
>>> 
>>> Lisa
>>> 
>>> Lisa Heft 
>>> Consultant, Faciltator, Educator
>>> Opening Space
>>> 
>>> Open Space Learning Workshops 
>>> May - Donostia / San Sebastian, Spain
>>> June - Oakland, California USA
>>> 
>>> 
>>>> On Apr 14, 2016, at 4:30 AM, Chris Grady via OSList <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> I wanted to share an experience last night which surprised me in its vehemance, but did not make me question "whatever happens".
>>> 
>>> 
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