[OSList] Do I need therapy for my OST control attitude ?

[Chris Grady via OSList]

I wanted to share an experience last night which surprised me in its
vehemance, but did not make me question "whatever happens".

I arrived for a meeting of a small group of arts professionals. I was
early. My first time. There were 20 expected. The meeting was due to run
2hrs.  I was greeted by the convenor with the joyful lines "would you run
the meeting and use that open space thing".  We had 15 minutes until the
first person arrived, and no time to draw butterflies or pre-warn delegates
that this was an Open Space....and I didn't even have my tibetan bells.

Anyway by 6.30 there were 9 breakout spaces, an agenda table/wall, 2
sessions scheduled, and a large glass of wine poured for all attendees.  It
was a tiny room and after everyone was introduced I was handed the reins of
the meeting with rather too much of a build-up/fanfare from my host.

The experience I wanted to share was the reaction of one man in the
circle.  This was a gathering (as I learned quickly) or PhD's, senior
academics, learned souls, and business consultants. They were surprised by
OST and I, as always, was surprised how few of them had experienced the
magic before.

After a 10 minute lightening introduction to principals, law, and giraffes,
I invited the assembled gathering to begin to populate the agenda.
Immediately one man wanted to stop the proceedings and take exception to
what was happening.  I sensed that he was loud and most definitely in
"third circle" to quote Patsy Rodenberg. I decided to be firm and ask him
to wait for the agenda to be developed.  Everyone seemed to feel for me,
and get on with writing topics and voicing them.

As this was happening I moved over to kneel beside him and invited him to
tell me his concern.  He was loud, vehement and deeply objecting to my
cntrolling attitude. Indeed his opening line was to ask whether I had
thought of having therapy for my control problem.  This surprised me,
because my style is very soft usually, but it was fast - that I do admit.
Anyway he ranted at me for a bit, and everyone at the agenda centre was
waiting for him to stop.  Then one of the delegates decided to speak over
him and announce their topic. I stayed by my challengers chair, but used
the opportunity to thank the first topic announcer, and invite more to
speak.  He lost his ground then, and the process moved forward smoothly.

He got up and used the law of two feet, and left.  At which point a number
of delegates came up to me and were lovely.  Indeed one of them said to me
- well done, and by the way, if you'd apologised to him I'd have never
spoken to you again. But then I guess since you didn't apologise to him,
he'll never speak to you again"  I rather liked that logic.

The Burning question which I had shaped in the 5 minutes with the convenor
when I arrived was "How do we selfishly benefit from being a part of this
organisation?"   He absolutely objected to the word selfish claiming it was
insensitive and offensive - he did masses of work for organisations
completely selflessly.  It definitely rattled his cage.

Just wanted to share an experience with the group. A bit of an intense 2hrs.

Cheers
Chris

Chris Grady FRSA
Chris Grady.Org

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