[OSList] Interdependence and Vulnerability: a delayed reframe re: Trust

Tue Feb 18 13:50:10 PST 2014

Chris:

I just saw this today. Thanks for your reflection here. I have kind of
skimmed it once and will need to read it in depth. Right now, I don't see
any need for anything more. This looks very complete and thought provoking.

I like what David said, also. 

Thanks.

Eric

From: oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org
[mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] On Behalf Of David Osborne
Sent: Thursday, February 13, 2014 11:30 AM
To: chris.kloth at got2change.com; World wide Open Space Technology email list
Subject: Re: [OSList] Interdependence and Vulnerability: a delayed reframe
re: Trust

Chris, 

I have found your reflection and thoughts on trust....as a verb and it's
connection with vulnerability and interdependence has deepened my
understanding and awareness. 

Thanks for sharing 

Davdi 

On Thu, Feb 13, 2014 at 12:59 AM, Chris Kloth <chris.kloth at got2change.com>
wrote: 

Trust & Trustworthy - A bit long

Following up on Eric's question about my distinction between trust and
trustworthiness I first want to thank him for triggering this reflection for
me.  I also want to note the way in which he wanted to make sure I did not
misunderstand his intention as some sort of judgment. an act of
trustworthiness. He recognized the potential vulnerability I might
experience in order for us to learn together. 

When I got to the heart of the artichoke I mentioned earlier I discovered
that the key to the distinction for me is that I prefer to think of trust as
a verb, much more than as a noun.

For me trust as a noun feels like a thing, a commodity to get, have or lose.
I have your trust or I need to get it and try not to lose it. Leaders,
managers, organizations try to get it and hold onto it. We feel betrayed
when someone abuses our trust. We don't like it when someone takes advantage
of our trust but we try to leverage the trust of others. 

For me the verb shifts the focus to relationship and effort, to passion and
responsibility. For me learning to trust and be trusted is at the core of
building sustainable individual, group and community relationships. Trusting
is an act of intimacy. Trusting is a process that people need to nurture so
it can grow and thrive. It takes work, risk, vulnerability and commitment.

I remember being a member of an executive team in a state agency many years
ago. I had decided I was finally going to raise an issue with the team that
was going to meet strong resistance (vulnerability). Part of deciding to
raise it was checking with a frequent ally to make sure I wasn't totally
alone in taking a stand (interdependence). However, my ally arrived a few
minutes late for the meeting and when I raised the issue he was silent
(vulnerability). Later I asked him why he didn't speak up. He said the
reason he was late was that he had been read the riot act by agency counsel
about a stand he had taken in an unrelated context. He was shell shocked. My
choice was to understand the tough spot he was in and that we would need
each other's support in the future (interdependence). 

In that relationship it was my responsibility to understand what happened
rather than rush to judgment. I had to understand that we all have multiple
relationships, roles and responsibilities. Sometimes my role in one
relationship does not align with my role in another. I have to accept
responsibility for making the choices I make and understand that, having
built a trusting relationship, recognize that others may also have to make
tough choices.

In the context of the work we do when opening and holding space (or hosting
or facilitation or convening or being agile or using any other credible tool
for creating sustainable shared responsibility for bringing about what we
desire) we typically do not know well or at all the people who have
gathered. We often are inviting them to trust a process that they are
unfamiliar and/or uncomfortable with. They may not be comfortable with each
other. 

Much of my work that I have done over the years has involved addressing deep
conflict rooted in cultural, racial and/or class bias. Often actively
maintaining mistrust of "them" was seen as a survival skill. That does not
mean they could not work together effectively in open space. At some point
some people decided that they needed each other and were willing to risk
vulnerability to get unstuck and move to a healthier place. 

For years on this list we have shared with one another all the ways in which
we are more or less effective in opening and holding the space. How we do it
is a methodology question. I submit that what we are doing is creating a
crucible within which people can bring their senses of passion and
responsibility to bear on something they care about with people they may or
may not be in relationship with yet, but who they need. In the process they
will explicitly or implicitly plumb their shared senses of vulnerability and
interdependence. 

If we re-read old posts we will find many attributes that describe our
behavior, demeanor and spirit when we are at our best. Each of us has said,
"The key to doing this work is." For me all these skills and attributes fall
under the umbrella of being authentically trustworthy. They are helpful in
building trust, but they do not equal trust.

Finally, unless I am going to maintain an ongoing relationship with their
work, there is not time (or need) for them to achieve some state of being
with me called trust. They only need to experience a sense of safety or
trustworthiness sufficient to hold the container for their work. To expect
more suggests that I am trying to get some need of my own met. Yes, I love
to feel the senses of satisfaction, excitement and anticipation as they
invest in their work and any compliments or appreciation they express for my
role. I just don't call that trust.

Please note that my new e-mail address is chris.kloth at got2change.com. You
may also contact me by using the Contact Page at www.got2change.com.

Shalom, 

Chris Kloth
ChangeWorks of the Heartland
chris.kloth at got2change.com
www.got2change.com
phone - 614.239.1336
fax - 614.237.2347

Think Globally, Act Locally

Please think about the environment before printing this e-mail.

On 2/10/2014 12:40 PM, Eric Hansen wrote: 

Hi, Chris:

I know I am a stranger on this list. My wife, Elaine Hansen, I think is more
active, and is friends with Suzanne Daigle, who also responded to your post.
I did not respond on top of Suzanne's response so as not to "muddy the
waters." None of which matters except to provide some context for who I am.

You're email caught my eye for several reasons. The comment that struck me
most is this one:

"They had determined that I was trustworthy, which I would suggest is short
of trust. They were willing to risk vulnerability, in part, because I had
demonstrated fairness, transparency, truthfulness and presence... enough to
take a risk on the process."

I am wondering: Could you tell me (us) more about why, for you,
trustworthiness falls short of trust.

I am not asking you to justify the distinction, only to explain it more. At
this point, I do not understand. 

If you do decide to provide an answer, I would then invite you to answer one
more question:

Why is that distinction important to you?  Again, I am not asking you to
justify that distinction. I am, instead, inviting you to reflect on why the
distinction has meaning for you and then to share that meaning with the
list.

Eric Hansen

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--

David Osborne

  <http://www.change-fusion.com/ChangeFusionLogo.jpg> 

www.change-fusion.com | dosborne at change-fusion.com | 703.939.1777

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