[OSList] OST Foundations again (Was: Re: Dealing with conflicts)

Mon Jul 30 18:41:52 PDT 2012

That has been my way of being.

Staying Open to life, no matter what.

So, humanity can have a chance.

Spark
2012. 7. 31. 오전 1:30에 "Harrison Owen" <hhowen at verizon.net>님이 작성:

> Lisa said - "Harrison I disagree with you - I don't think conflict is
> something that can often be resolved in a single meeting." You can't
> disagree! If only because I don't think so either. What I said was - When
> conflict appears, open space. That, of course, could be a single day of OST
> - and I've seen that happen more than once - particularly when the conflict
> arose because of some simple misunderstanding. Then again, opening space
> can equally be a lifelong occupation, a way of being in the world.****
>
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> Harrison ****
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> *From:* oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org [mailto:
> oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] *On Behalf Of *Lisa Heft
> *Sent:* Sunday, July 29, 2012 7:48 PM
> *To:* OSLIST
> *Subject:* [OSList] OST Foundations again (Was: Re: Dealing with
> conflicts)****
>
> ** **
>
> Hello, all -****
>
> ** **
>
> I am enjoying this conversation.****
>
> ** **
>
> Get a cup of tea, folks - this one is very long because instead of
> responding to individual moments in this thread I am going to try to
> combine into one message for your in-box.****
>
> ** **
>
> My observation is that many individuals - which therefore includes
> facilitators - are conflict-averse.  ****
>
> We see something we name as conflict, and we either want to avoid it or
> solve it away.****
>
> We are not very good at sitting with it; breathing through it. I am
> talking about those conflicts where your life is not immediately in danger
> but instead where voices are raised and people are angry and upset.****
>
> ** **
>
> And for some of our cultures - what one culture sees as conflict (raising
> of voices, dramatic gestures, angry faces) - another culture sees as
> passion or simply as expression and communication.****
>
> So all those cultural filters are at work (us, our groups, our personal /
> cultural style, our family-of-origin / relationship history - oh so many
> things).****
>
> ** **
>
> So to me - as a facilitator - my job is to know..****
>
> - what is the group's work (and what is my own internal work)****
>
> - to breathe (and to breathe as a way to hold space for others)****
>
> - to do thoughtful work (including the pre-work and analysis for /
> selection of best-fit dialogue process)****
>
> - and to care for self and others (in specific ways like making sure I am
> hydrated, rested and fed, and holding in my heart and mind that their work
> is their own and that I think they are amazing).****
>
> ** **
>
> Conflict without violence is to me - passion. Someone struggling to name
> their own truth - which while not perhaps true for others, is true for
> them, at that moment.****
>
> ** **
>
> Harrison I disagree with you - I don't think conflict is something that
> can often be resolved in a single meeting. By a single intervention.
> Resolution is not what I seek by offering Open Space as one of the possible
> tools for a certain meeting. The ability to breathe through conflict - to
> witness rage without blows - to be able to walk away (and walk back in) -
> to hear another person's story (without trying to solve or change it) -
> these are all the things that an Open Space (of two days, ideally) can
> offer. Resolution? Take any human behavior - there are so many things that
> inform and change and hold in place certain behaviors. The meeting is just
> one part of someone's life, life history, life after the meeting, real life
> 'on Monday', social norms, support for change and so on. But what the
> meeting can do as the 'massage' so the human can witness their own inner
> dialogue, feel witnessed, notice and wonder, try to articulate, stumble
> through, step back and step back in? Amazing. ****
>
> ** **
>
> I say two days ideally because in any process - including Open Space - on
> Day 1 people are often naming their grief and loss. Day 2 does not
> magically change that but with the overnight, with eating together, with
> feeling witnessed as they tell their story again and again on Day 1 - seems
> like enough people shift a bit on Day 2 to not lose their own story but
> walk forward into imagining a slightly different story, together. ****
>
> As you say, Harrison, '...given the time / space to do it."****
>
> ** **
>
> It is what happens before the meeting and afterward that also count. Which
> is why I think of Open Space or any other facilitated process as one in a
> chain of steps of change and shift as part of a greater whole.****
>
> ** **
>
> I agree with Peggy - there does not necessarily have to be trust - but:
> like any couple's relationship when they are having rocky times - they have
> to walk in hoping / wanting / wondering that there might - just might - be
> a light at the end of the path somehow back to each other. Or at least
> (same as couple counseling) that in exploring some things together their
> agreement to step apart will be more thoughtful and hopefully more kind. As
> Peggy said: 'willingness'.****
>
> ** **
>
> And yes - one of Lisa's favorite topics: Pre-work. As I recall, Harrison -
> and Tova, Avner and Carol if you are reading this you can correct me -
> didn't it take something like a year of invitation for one of those OSs
> bringing together Israelis and Palestinians? A year. Finding allies. Making
> personal invites. Thinking how best to reach each individual and build
> relationships. Lots of strategic, creative and passionate work on that
> part, I am sure.****
>
> ** **
>
> Kerry - for me - as the facilitator - I think there is an issue about
> trusting the people who participate. I trust them fully. I trust in their
> ability. Not their outcome - not their path - which is theirs to inform.
> But that humans are incredible. I trust the people and I trust the process.
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> I agree with the 'givens'. I think it is not useful to say 'this is what
> you cannot talk about' / 'this is off the table'. Humans will talk about
> whatever is the story within them that has the strongest pain or yearning
> or discovery or passion - even if we want them to talk about 'x'. However:
> An example of how a marvelous client of mine said this - Catholic Diocese -
> this was the Bishop, and the OS was for strategic (pastoral) planning for
> the next two years. "You can talk about wanting more women clerics in the
> Church" (for example) and that is fine - but that is not what we have money
> for to fund for this next two years of our strategic plan. We are not able
> to inform or control that in our greater Church at this time - although
> rest assured we remain passionate about it as well. What we *do* have
> money to fund is in these three key strategic areas (Lay people in the
> Church, Youth Ministry and Living Catholic Social Teachings - the three
> areas identified by the parishioners for the coming years' focus). So you
> can talk about other things but we hope you will also spend some time in
> these retreats helping us with the three upcoming strategic plan issue
> areas."****
>
> ** **
>
> So he did not say something was a given or off the table. He invited
> anything anyone wanted to talk about - but encouraged people to think
> within the diverse stream of these key identified-by-the-parishioners
> areas. Nice.****
>
> Usually: I think the client does not have to say anything. People will
> talk about things and that's fine. Most will talk about what is named as
> the OS task, and that is fine. Nothing derails anything. And yes, Kerry and
> Artur - I do let the client know of what might happen, what could happen,
> and are they ready for that. For surprise directions. For those certain
> scary things being raised as an issue. For that same person who always says
> that same thing to say that same thing again. And if they are fine with
> that? We move on to OS. If not? We move to another process. ****
>
> ** **
>
> Marie Ann - again I would try not to squish things into too small a
> meeting time. People need and deserve the room to breathe, name, explore,
> feel, make mistakes - the whole thing.  And I like the idea of also giving
> individuals witnesses - 'listening posts' - to share their own story with
> one person and feel fully heard. There is a whole ecology of things that
> can be done - together, and over time - to help a community having
> challenges. And it did not take one day to fall into this situation - so it
> may take many nutritious moments over time to help some people breathe and
> shift a bit. Though other people might be fully-served by staying right
> there in that painful story. ****
>
> ** **
>
> I am also a strong believer in meeting a group where they are. Are they
> asking for the help. How do they respond when you offer. Is it the time for
> help or is it the time to fully witness exactly where they are?****
>
> ** **
>
> And how else do you show them to each other as individuals rather than as
> positions. Do they get a chance to eat together. To do a project together
> that is not about their conflict areas at all. Do they need to.****
>
> ** **
>
> Susanna - same question - should you bring them together to work on the
> 'issue' - or can you mix and match and combine them in small and large ways
> to experience each other in other ways as individuals. ****
>
> Should you be the event sponsor? Well - are you being asked to?  You
> mentioned not being sure the women's organization 'would be convinced of an
> OS process'. '..try to convince them of the value...' That wording - is it
> your job to convince or sell OS?  Doesn't really work that way. Are you
> meeting the group where they are? You might be - I don't know the answers
> to those questions - maybe you do. And if it is decided to do an OS should
> you facilitate? No matter how you feel you can hold space for all different
> sides and viewpoints - how are you *seen* or *perceived by* others - even
> if you do not feel that about yourself?****
>
> ** **
>
> My colleague Zach Metz - who does OS in high conflict zones in the world -
> also really appreciates Public Conversations Project for some meetings -
> sometimes earlier in the chain of meetings than the OS, which happens later
> in the chain. I am not skilled in that but you might want to read about it.
> It is more facilitated but Zach truly believes in participant-centered work
> so I am guessing and have heard it is pretty amazing for what are perceived
> to be polarizing issues.****
>
> ** **
>
> Susanna - it is not necessary the wording of an invitation that will get
> people to show up. It is the relationships and outreach strategy - the
> invitation strategy - that gets people to show up. Who is asking each kind
> of individual. Someone who they trust? Who thinks like them? Who looks like
> them? How and where are they being asked? In person? Over the phone? After
> temple or mosque service? Over food? On a walk? What will work for each
> individual so that they, too, will feel there is a place for them in that
> room? Sure, the text and the messages are important also. But you see what
> is most important - actions and relationship-building more than words
> embody true invitation. In my experience, anyway.****
>
> ** **
>
> Oh dear I did go on.****
>
> ** **
>
> Thank you for your reading patience folks - who got this far - and for you
> others - I trust you used the Law Of Delete... ****
>
> ** **
>
> Lisa****
>
> ** **
>
> ________****
>
> The Power of Pre-Work****
>
>    - August 8-10, 2012 - San Francisco, USA****
>
> The Open Space Learning Workshop / el Taller de Aprendizaje de Espacio
> Abierto****
>
>    - October 9-11, 2012 - London, United Kingdom ****
>
>            (before the World Open Space on Open Space in London)****
>
>    - December 12-14, 2012 - San Francisco, USA ****
>
> ________****
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
>  ****
>
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