[OSList] OST Foundations again (Was: Re: Dealing with conflicts)

Sun Jul 29 17:41:28 PDT 2012

Well worth the read, thanks Lisa

Cheers Robyn

Western Australia

From: oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org
[mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] On Behalf Of Lisa Heft
Sent: Monday, 30 July 2012 7:48 AM
To: OSLIST
Subject: [OSList] OST Foundations again (Was: Re: Dealing with conflicts)

Hello, all -

I am enjoying this conversation.

Get a cup of tea, folks - this one is very long because instead of
responding to individual moments in this thread I am going to try to combine
into one message for your in-box.

My observation is that many individuals - which therefore includes
facilitators - are conflict-averse.  

We see something we name as conflict, and we either want to avoid it or
solve it away.

We are not very good at sitting with it; breathing through it. I am talking
about those conflicts where your life is not immediately in danger but
instead where voices are raised and people are angry and upset.

And for some of our cultures - what one culture sees as conflict (raising of
voices, dramatic gestures, angry faces) - another culture sees as passion or
simply as expression and communication.

So all those cultural filters are at work (us, our groups, our personal /
cultural style, our family-of-origin / relationship history - oh so many
things).

So to me - as a facilitator - my job is to know..

- what is the group's work (and what is my own internal work)

- to breathe (and to breathe as a way to hold space for others)

- to do thoughtful work (including the pre-work and analysis for / selection
of best-fit dialogue process)

- and to care for self and others (in specific ways like making sure I am
hydrated, rested and fed, and holding in my heart and mind that their work
is their own and that I think they are amazing).

Conflict without violence is to me - passion. Someone struggling to name
their own truth - which while not perhaps true for others, is true for them,
at that moment.

Harrison I disagree with you - I don't think conflict is something that can
often be resolved in a single meeting. By a single intervention. Resolution
is not what I seek by offering Open Space as one of the possible tools for a
certain meeting. The ability to breathe through conflict - to witness rage
without blows - to be able to walk away (and walk back in) - to hear another
person's story (without trying to solve or change it) - these are all the
things that an Open Space (of two days, ideally) can offer. Resolution? Take
any human behavior - there are so many things that inform and change and
hold in place certain behaviors. The meeting is just one part of someone's
life, life history, life after the meeting, real life 'on Monday', social
norms, support for change and so on. But what the meeting can do as the
'massage' so the human can witness their own inner dialogue, feel witnessed,
notice and wonder, try to articulate, stumble through, step back and step
back in? Amazing. 

I say two days ideally because in any process - including Open Space - on
Day 1 people are often naming their grief and loss. Day 2 does not magically
change that but with the overnight, with eating together, with feeling
witnessed as they tell their story again and again on Day 1 - seems like
enough people shift a bit on Day 2 to not lose their own story but walk
forward into imagining a slightly different story, together. 

As you say, Harrison, '...given the time / space to do it."

It is what happens before the meeting and afterward that also count. Which
is why I think of Open Space or any other facilitated process as one in a
chain of steps of change and shift as part of a greater whole.

I agree with Peggy - there does not necessarily have to be trust - but: like
any couple's relationship when they are having rocky times - they have to
walk in hoping / wanting / wondering that there might - just might - be a
light at the end of the path somehow back to each other. Or at least (same
as couple counseling) that in exploring some things together their agreement
to step apart will be more thoughtful and hopefully more kind. As Peggy
said: 'willingness'.

And yes - one of Lisa's favorite topics: Pre-work. As I recall, Harrison -
and Tova, Avner and Carol if you are reading this you can correct me -
didn't it take something like a year of invitation for one of those OSs
bringing together Israelis and Palestinians? A year. Finding allies. Making
personal invites. Thinking how best to reach each individual and build
relationships. Lots of strategic, creative and passionate work on that part,
I am sure.

Kerry - for me - as the facilitator - I think there is an issue about
trusting the people who participate. I trust them fully. I trust in their
ability. Not their outcome - not their path - which is theirs to inform. But
that humans are incredible. I trust the people and I trust the process.

I agree with the 'givens'. I think it is not useful to say 'this is what you
cannot talk about' / 'this is off the table'. Humans will talk about
whatever is the story within them that has the strongest pain or yearning or
discovery or passion - even if we want them to talk about 'x'. However: An
example of how a marvelous client of mine said this - Catholic Diocese -
this was the Bishop, and the OS was for strategic (pastoral) planning for
the next two years. "You can talk about wanting more women clerics in the
Church" (for example) and that is fine - but that is not what we have money
for to fund for this next two years of our strategic plan. We are not able
to inform or control that in our greater Church at this time - although rest
assured we remain passionate about it as well. What we do have money to fund
is in these three key strategic areas (Lay people in the Church, Youth
Ministry and Living Catholic Social Teachings - the three areas identified
by the parishioners for the coming years' focus). So you can talk about
other things but we hope you will also spend some time in these retreats
helping us with the three upcoming strategic plan issue areas."

So he did not say something was a given or off the table. He invited
anything anyone wanted to talk about - but encouraged people to think within
the diverse stream of these key identified-by-the-parishioners areas. Nice.

Usually: I think the client does not have to say anything. People will talk
about things and that's fine. Most will talk about what is named as the OS
task, and that is fine. Nothing derails anything. And yes, Kerry and Artur -
I do let the client know of what might happen, what could happen, and are
they ready for that. For surprise directions. For those certain scary things
being raised as an issue. For that same person who always says that same
thing to say that same thing again. And if they are fine with that? We move
on to OS. If not? We move to another process. 

Marie Ann - again I would try not to squish things into too small a meeting
time. People need and deserve the room to breathe, name, explore, feel, make
mistakes - the whole thing.  And I like the idea of also giving individuals
witnesses - 'listening posts' - to share their own story with one person and
feel fully heard. There is a whole ecology of things that can be done -
together, and over time - to help a community having challenges. And it did
not take one day to fall into this situation - so it may take many
nutritious moments over time to help some people breathe and shift a bit.
Though other people might be fully-served by staying right there in that
painful story. 

I am also a strong believer in meeting a group where they are. Are they
asking for the help. How do they respond when you offer. Is it the time for
help or is it the time to fully witness exactly where they are?

And how else do you show them to each other as individuals rather than as
positions. Do they get a chance to eat together. To do a project together
that is not about their conflict areas at all. Do they need to.

Susanna - same question - should you bring them together to work on the
'issue' - or can you mix and match and combine them in small and large ways
to experience each other in other ways as individuals. 

Should you be the event sponsor? Well - are you being asked to?  You
mentioned not being sure the women's organization 'would be convinced of an
OS process'. '..try to convince them of the value...' That wording - is it
your job to convince or sell OS?  Doesn't really work that way. Are you
meeting the group where they are? You might be - I don't know the answers to
those questions - maybe you do. And if it is decided to do an OS should you
facilitate? No matter how you feel you can hold space for all different
sides and viewpoints - how are you *seen* or *perceived by* others - even if
you do not feel that about yourself?

My colleague Zach Metz - who does OS in high conflict zones in the world -
also really appreciates Public Conversations Project for some meetings -
sometimes earlier in the chain of meetings than the OS, which happens later
in the chain. I am not skilled in that but you might want to read about it.
It is more facilitated but Zach truly believes in participant-centered work
so I am guessing and have heard it is pretty amazing for what are perceived
to be polarizing issues.

Susanna - it is not necessary the wording of an invitation that will get
people to show up. It is the relationships and outreach strategy - the
invitation strategy - that gets people to show up. Who is asking each kind
of individual. Someone who they trust? Who thinks like them? Who looks like
them? How and where are they being asked? In person? Over the phone? After
temple or mosque service? Over food? On a walk? What will work for each
individual so that they, too, will feel there is a place for them in that
room? Sure, the text and the messages are important also. But you see what
is most important - actions and relationship-building more than words embody
true invitation. In my experience, anyway.

Oh dear I did go on.

Thank you for your reading patience folks - who got this far - and for you
others - I trust you used the Law Of Delete... 

Lisa

________

The Power of Pre-Work

   - August 8-10, 2012 - San Francisco, USA

The Open Space Learning Workshop / el Taller de Aprendizaje de Espacio
Abierto

   - October 9-11, 2012 - London, United Kingdom 

           (before the World Open Space on Open Space in London)

   - December 12-14, 2012 - San Francisco, USA 

________

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.openspacetech.org/pipermail/oslist-openspacetech.org/attachments/20120730/024b1903/attachment-0008.htm>