[OSList] OST Foundations again (Was: Re: Dealing with conflicts)

[Lisa Heft]

Hello, all -

I am enjoying this conversation.

Get a cup of tea, folks - this one is very long because instead of  
responding to individual moments in this thread I am going to try to  
combine into one message for your in-box.

My observation is that many individuals - which therefore includes  
facilitators - are conflict-averse.
We see something we name as conflict, and we either want to avoid it  
or solve it away.
We are not very good at sitting with it; breathing through it. I am  
talking about those conflicts where your life is not immediately in  
danger but instead where voices are raised and people are angry and  
upset.

And for some of our cultures - what one culture sees as conflict  
(raising of voices, dramatic gestures, angry faces) - another culture  
sees as passion or simply as expression and communication.
So all those cultural filters are at work (us, our groups, our  
personal / cultural style, our family-of-origin / relationship history  
- oh so many things).

So to me - as a facilitator - my job is to know..
- what is the group's work (and what is my own internal work)
- to breathe (and to breathe as a way to hold space for others)
- to do thoughtful work (including the pre-work and analysis for /  
selection of best-fit dialogue process)
- and to care for self and others (in specific ways like making sure I  
am hydrated, rested and fed, and holding in my heart and mind that  
their work is their own and that I think they are amazing).

Conflict without violence is to me - passion. Someone struggling to  
name their own truth - which while not perhaps true for others, is  
true for them, at that moment.

Harrison I disagree with you - I don't think conflict is something  
that can often be resolved in a single meeting. By a single  
intervention. Resolution is not what I seek by offering Open Space as  
one of the possible tools for a certain meeting. The ability to  
breathe through conflict - to witness rage without blows - to be able  
to walk away (and walk back in) - to hear another person's story  
(without trying to solve or change it) - these are all the things that  
an Open Space (of two days, ideally) can offer. Resolution? Take any  
human behavior - there are so many things that inform and change and  
hold in place certain behaviors. The meeting is just one part of  
someone's life, life history, life after the meeting, real life 'on  
Monday', social norms, support for change and so on. But what the  
meeting can do as the 'massage' so the human can witness their own  
inner dialogue, feel witnessed, notice and wonder, try to articulate,  
stumble through, step back and step back in? Amazing.

I say two days ideally because in any process - including Open Space -  
on Day 1 people are often naming their grief and loss. Day 2 does not  
magically change that but with the overnight, with eating together,  
with feeling witnessed as they tell their story again and again on Day  
1 - seems like enough people shift a bit on Day 2 to not lose their  
own story but walk forward into imagining a slightly different story,  
together.
As you say, Harrison, '...given the time / space to do it."

It is what happens before the meeting and afterward that also count.  
Which is why I think of Open Space or any other facilitated process as  
one in a chain of steps of change and shift as part of a greater whole.

I agree with Peggy - there does not necessarily have to be trust -  
but: like any couple's relationship when they are having rocky times -  
they have to walk in hoping / wanting / wondering that there might -  
just might - be a light at the end of the path somehow back to each  
other. Or at least (same as couple counseling) that in exploring some  
things together their agreement to step apart will be more thoughtful  
and hopefully more kind. As Peggy said: 'willingness'.

And yes - one of Lisa's favorite topics: Pre-work. As I recall,  
Harrison - and Tova, Avner and Carol if you are reading this you can  
correct me - didn't it take something like a year of invitation for  
one of those OSs bringing together Israelis and Palestinians? A year.  
Finding allies. Making personal invites. Thinking how best to reach  
each individual and build relationships. Lots of strategic, creative  
and passionate work on that part, I am sure.

Kerry - for me - as the facilitator - I think there is an issue about  
trusting the people who participate. I trust them fully. I trust in  
their ability. Not their outcome - not their path - which is theirs to  
inform. But that humans are incredible. I trust the people and I trust  
the process.

I agree with the 'givens'. I think it is not useful to say 'this is  
what you cannot talk about' / 'this is off the table'. Humans will  
talk about whatever is the story within them that has the strongest  
pain or yearning or discovery or passion - even if we want them to  
talk about 'x'. However: An example of how a marvelous client of mine  
said this - Catholic Diocese - this was the Bishop, and the OS was for  
strategic (pastoral) planning for the next two years. "You can talk  
about wanting more women clerics in the Church" (for example) and that  
is fine - but that is not what we have money for to fund for this next  
two years of our strategic plan. We are not able to inform or control  
that in our greater Church at this time - although rest assured we  
remain passionate about it as well. What we do have money to fund is  
in these three key strategic areas (Lay people in the Church, Youth  
Ministry and Living Catholic Social Teachings - the three areas  
identified by the parishioners for the coming years' focus). So you  
can talk about other things but we hope you will also spend some time  
in these retreats helping us with the three upcoming strategic plan  
issue areas."

So he did not say something was a given or off the table. He invited  
anything anyone wanted to talk about - but encouraged people to think  
within the diverse stream of these key identified-by-the-parishioners  
areas. Nice.
Usually: I think the client does not have to say anything. People will  
talk about things and that's fine. Most will talk about what is named  
as the OS task, and that is fine. Nothing derails anything. And yes,  
Kerry and Artur - I do let the client know of what might happen, what  
could happen, and are they ready for that. For surprise directions.  
For those certain scary things being raised as an issue. For that same  
person who always says that same thing to say that same thing again.  
And if they are fine with that? We move on to OS. If not? We move to  
another process.

Marie Ann - again I would try not to squish things into too small a  
meeting time. People need and deserve the room to breathe, name,  
explore, feel, make mistakes - the whole thing.  And I like the idea  
of also giving individuals witnesses - 'listening posts' - to share  
their own story with one person and feel fully heard. There is a whole  
ecology of things that can be done - together, and over time - to help  
a community having challenges. And it did not take one day to fall  
into this situation - so it may take many nutritious moments over time  
to help some people breathe and shift a bit. Though other people might  
be fully-served by staying right there in that painful story.

I am also a strong believer in meeting a group where they are. Are  
they asking for the help. How do they respond when you offer. Is it  
the time for help or is it the time to fully witness exactly where  
they are?

And how else do you show them to each other as individuals rather than  
as positions. Do they get a chance to eat together. To do a project  
together that is not about their conflict areas at all. Do they need to.

Susanna - same question - should you bring them together to work on  
the 'issue' - or can you mix and match and combine them in small and  
large ways to experience each other in other ways as individuals.
Should you be the event sponsor? Well - are you being asked to?  You  
mentioned not being sure the women's organization 'would be convinced  
of an OS process'. '..try to convince them of the value...' That  
wording - is it your job to convince or sell OS?  Doesn't really work  
that way. Are you meeting the group where they are? You might be - I  
don't know the answers to those questions - maybe you do. And if it is  
decided to do an OS should you facilitate? No matter how you feel you  
can hold space for all different sides and viewpoints - how are you  
*seen* or *perceived by* others - even if you do not feel that about  
yourself?

My colleague Zach Metz - who does OS in high conflict zones in the  
world - also really appreciates Public Conversations Project for some  
meetings - sometimes earlier in the chain of meetings than the OS,  
which happens later in the chain. I am not skilled in that but you  
might want to read about it. It is more facilitated but Zach truly  
believes in participant-centered work so I am guessing and have heard  
it is pretty amazing for what are perceived to be polarizing issues.

Susanna - it is not necessary the wording of an invitation that will  
get people to show up. It is the relationships and outreach strategy -  
the invitation strategy - that gets people to show up. Who is asking  
each kind of individual. Someone who they trust? Who thinks like them?  
Who looks like them? How and where are they being asked? In person?  
Over the phone? After temple or mosque service? Over food? On a walk?  
What will work for each individual so that they, too, will feel there  
is a place for them in that room? Sure, the text and the messages are  
important also. But you see what is most important - actions and  
relationship-building more than words embody true invitation. In my  
experience, anyway.

Oh dear I did go on.

Thank you for your reading patience folks - who got this far - and for  
you others - I trust you used the Law Of Delete...

Lisa

________
The Power of Pre-Work
    - August 8-10, 2012 - San Francisco, USA
The Open Space Learning Workshop / el Taller de Aprendizaje de Espacio  
Abierto
    - October 9-11, 2012 - London, United Kingdom
            (before the World Open Space on Open Space in London)
    - December 12-14, 2012 - San Francisco, USA
________




  
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