[OSList] An open space birth

Fri Jan 20 16:43:32 PST 2012

In tears, impressed, proud, (also, actually, relieved  truly, kind of what
I would expect from both  three  of you. Doing what you do.) can¹t wait
for you to come to this home so we can welcome you back to Brixton.
Stella xx

On 20/01/2012 00:49, "Phelim McDermott" <phelim at mac.com> wrote:

> Dear open space friends,
> 
> Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted to check
> in with you all as to what's been happening and our extraordinary start to the
> year.
> 
> For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in New
> York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work commitment if
> we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have it in New York. Because
> of the show timing was also an issue. Although we knew that whenever it
> happened was the right time, we had also been talking to our baby in the womb
> and encouraging it that if it could just hold off a little while it would get
> to hear the opera and that if it came during rehearsals it would probably miss
> the chance of hearing the baroque music that's supposed to be so good for your
> baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The Enchanted Island opened. Matilda was
> there on opening night and we were greatly relieved that things were happening
> in the order we had hoped for.
> 
> We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation before
> anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening of the Monday
> Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts is the right time.) We
> met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly then went for a meal at the Italian
> restaurant on the corner of 8th and C, (It's amazing how quickly your food
> arrives if you tell them your wife's having contractions). Then we went back
> to our East Village apartment and put up the birthing pool we had hired,
> hoping that the midwife¹s assurance that it was like approximately 8 big men
> drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate and it wasn't going to crash
> through the floor. Then we went to bed and tried to get some sleep. Matilda
> being Matilda there wasn't much of that, nor for the next four nights.
> 
> Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our circle.
> Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant who had been
> given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our birth. We made An
> invitation for this new life to come into the world. The principles were up on
> our apartment walls and we posted sessions that could happen at any time. They
> included ³Music and dancing², ³Wise Teachers², ³Love and welcome², ³Filling
> the pool² etc.. 
> 
> Now if you go through the principles and think about it you¹ll realise how
> pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when you are hundred miles
> from home and dealing with all the things that come with setting up for the
> holding of space for the entry of a new life into this world.
> 
> Whenever it starts is the right time.
> Whoever comes are the right people.
> When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of course!)
> Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever it happens is the
> right place.
> 
> Law of two feet/mobility.
> 
> Be prepared to be surprised!
> 
> Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA compared to
> Europe we had watched the great film ³The business of being born² and had been
> given a recommendation by our UK midwife of a midwife in the States. We
> discovered it was not only the midwife in this film but that she was living
> two streets away from us in the East village opposite a restaurant called
> ³Matilda²! 
> 
> During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying, finding out
> about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and also Ina May
> Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be interchangeable with
> work on creativity/opening space. For example: Odent's  advice that he usually
> turns up at a birth and says: ³Do you mind if I go take a nap in the room down
> the corridor.² Also ³the best place for an obstetricians hands are in his
> pockets² etc.. All this work is about space.. space.. opening space.. Holding
> space. Its about trusting in emergence, whilst holding off on intervention.
> 
> Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and our
> Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of physical and
> emotional experience. They were both fantastic at holding and creating a safe
> space for us both and they allowed me to support Matilda in following herself
> mentally and physically.
> 
> It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to be our
> little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very long and although
> it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the later stages, our
> wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of helpers who appeared in various
> guises throughout the three days pulled us through and our home birth happened
> as we had hoped. Others who helped were Pat an astonishing acupuncturist who
> turned up on the Thursday night <x-apple-data-detectors://0>  who just
> happened to be nearby and gave Matilda "liquid hips²! and Miriam a midwife
> colleague of Cara's who appeared because she had texted Cara to meet for a
> coffee just when we needed support because it looked like the baby¹s heart was
> slowing. She walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly
> whoever comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby out fast
> with Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We stood Matilda up and
> the baby was born not in the pool but in front of our sofa. (Wherever it
> happens is the right place.)
> 
> As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing it all
> without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool, the open space
> principles and repeated playings of "The Bare Necessities" to get her through.
> 
> At 8.47am <x-apple-data-detectors://1>  on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born.
> Because of his difficult route his head was squished into a rather dramatic
> lopsided horn, (³be prepared to be surprised² and ³whatever happens is the
> only thing that could have²), which quickly disappeared. Riddley Wilbur
> McDermott (Whoever comes are the right people.) is now doing very well. He is
> particularly beautiful.
> 
> Here's a photo of him:
> 
> http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-libati
> que-73-lens-kodot
> 
> Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space that has
> opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary, exhilarating and
> profoundly humbling. We love him.
> 
> For our new family it is of course just beginning...  (When it's not over it's
> not over.) 
> 
> 
> Lots of love
> 
> Phelim X
> 
> ________________________________
> 
> I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the working day. I
> am currently aiming to respond the following day. If it is urgent please call
> me on 07956 187298.
> _____________________________________
> 
> www.improbable.co.uk <http://www.improbable.co.uk>
> @openspacer
> @wosonos2012
> 
> 
> 
> 
>> 
> 

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