[OSList] An open space birth.

[Jon Harvey]

:-)))))

((((((Matilda, Phelim & Riddley))))))

Jon

Xx
On Jan 20, 2012 1:35 AM, "Phelim McDermott" <phelim at mac.com> wrote:

> Dear open space friends,
>
> Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted to
> check in with you all as to what's been happening and our extraordinary
> start to the year.
>
> For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in New
> York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work commitment
> if we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have it in New York.
> Because of the show timing was also an issue. Although we knew that
> whenever it happened was the right time, we had also been talking to our
> baby in the womb and encouraging it that if it could just hold off a little
> while it would get to hear the opera and that if it came during rehearsals
> it would probably miss the chance of hearing the baroque music that's
> supposed to be so good for your baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The
> Enchanted Island opened. Matilda was there on opening night and we were
> greatly relieved that things were happening in the order we had hoped for.
>
> We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation before
> anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening of the
> Monday Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts is the right
> time.) We met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly then went for a meal
> at the Italian restaurant on the corner of 8th and C, (It's amazing how
> quickly your food arrives if you tell them your wife's having
> contractions). Then we went back to our East Village apartment and put up
> the birthing pool we had hired, hoping that the midwife’s assurance that it
> was like approximately 8 big men drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate
> and it wasn't going to crash through the floor. Then we went to bed and
> tried to get some sleep. Matilda being Matilda there wasn't much of that,
> nor for the next four nights.
>
> Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our
> circle. Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant who
> had been given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our birth. We
> made An invitation for this new life to come into the world. The principles
> were up on our apartment walls and we posted sessions that could happen at
> any time. They included “Music and dancing”, “Wise Teachers”, “Love and
> welcome”, “Filling the pool” etc..
>
> Now if you go through the principles and think about it you’ll realise how
> pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when you are hundred
> miles from home and dealing with all the things that come with setting up
> for the holding of space for the entry of a new life into this world.
>
> Whenever it starts is the right time.
> Whoever comes are the right people.
> When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of course!)
> Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever it happens is
> the right place.
>
> Law of two feet/mobility.
>
> Be prepared to be surprised!
>
> Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA compared
> to Europe we had watched the great film “The business of being born” and
> had been given a recommendation by our UK midwife of a midwife in the
> States. We discovered it was not only the midwife in this film but that she
> was living two streets away from us in the East village opposite a
> restaurant called “Matilda”!
>
> During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying, finding out
> about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and also Ina May
> Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be interchangeable with
> work on creativity/opening space. For example: Odent's  advice that he
> usually turns up at a birth and says: “Do you mind if I go take a nap in
> the room down the corridor.” Also “the best place for an obstetricians
> hands are in his pockets” etc.. All this work is about space.. space..
> opening space.. Holding space. Its about trusting in emergence, whilst
> holding off on intervention.
>
> Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and our
> Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of physical and
> emotional experience. They were both fantastic at holding and creating a
> safe space for us both and they allowed me to support Matilda in following
> herself mentally and physically.
>
> It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to be
> our little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very long and
> although it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the later stages,
> our wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of helpers who appeared in
> various guises throughout the three days pulled us through and our home
> birth happened as we had hoped. Others who helped were Pat an astonishing
> acupuncturist who turned up on the Thursday night who just happened to be
> nearby and gave Matilda "liquid hips”! and Miriam a midwife colleague of
> Cara's who appeared because she had texted Cara to meet for a coffee just
> when we needed support because it looked like the baby’s heart was slowing.
> She walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly whoever
> comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby out fast with
> Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We stood Matilda up and
> the baby was born not in the pool but in front of our sofa. (Wherever it
> happens is the right place.)
>
> As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing it all
> without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool, the open space
> principles and repeated playings of "The Bare Necessities" to get her
> through.
>
> At 8.47am on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born. Because of his difficult
> route his head was squished into a rather dramatic lopsided horn, (“be
> prepared to be surprised” and “whatever happens is the only thing that
> could have”), which quickly disappeared. Riddley Wilbur McDermott (Whoever
> comes are the right people.) is now doing very well. He is particularly
> beautiful.
>
> Here's a photo of him:
>
>
> http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-libatique-73-lens-kodot
>
> Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space that
> has opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary, exhilarating
> and profoundly humbling. We love him.
>
> For our new family it is of course just beginning...  (When it's not over
> it's not over.)
>
>
> Lots of love
>
> Phelim X
>
> ________________________________
>
> I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the working
> day. I am currently aiming to respond the following day. If it is urgent
> please call me on 07956 187298.
> _____________________________________
>
> www.improbable.co.uk
> @openspacer
> @wosonos2012
>
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