[OSList] An open space birth

Caitlin Frost caitlin.frost at gmail.com
Thu Jan 19 17:17:40 PST 2012


Hey Phelim, Matilda and Riddley,

Congratulations on yourselves and your new circle of family.

And what a lovely story.

I remember grasping the principles with our first pregnancy as we were
approaching the 10th month and will still waiting for her to arrive!  (she
did..)  Whenever it happened was the right time...(she was healthy and I
got to watch a LOT of movies with Chris while we waited... and waited...)

And in a million ways she is the right person - when it is easy and great
and even when it is challenging.  Just what we needed.  Finn too.

Further down the pipe with now a teenage daughter and 11 year old son, we
have found the Open Space Principles continue to hold, invite and inspire
us in our life together - as much in the launch into teen years as in birth.

Be prepared to continue to be surprised!!!

And so grateful for all of it - and for the support of the internal and
collective ongoing opening of space.

Love to you three - and hope to see you soon.

Caitlin (Chris, Aine and Finn)

On Thu, Jan 19, 2012 at 4:49 PM, Phelim McDermott <phelim at mac.com> wrote:

> Dear open space friends,
>
> Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted to
> check in with you all as to what's been happening and our extraordinary
> start to the year.
>
> For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in New
> York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work commitment
> if we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have it in New York.
> Because of the show timing was also an issue. Although we knew that
> whenever it happened was the right time, we had also been talking to our
> baby in the womb and encouraging it that if it could just hold off a little
> while it would get to hear the opera and that if it came during rehearsals
> it would probably miss the chance of hearing the baroque music that's
> supposed to be so good for your baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The
> Enchanted Island opened. Matilda was there on opening night and we were
> greatly relieved that things were happening in the order we had hoped for.
>
> We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation before
> anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening of the
> Monday Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts is the right
> time.) We met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly then went for a meal
> at the Italian restaurant on the corner of 8th and C, (It's amazing how
> quickly your food arrives if you tell them your wife's having
> contractions). Then we went back to our East Village apartment and put up
> the birthing pool we had hired, hoping that the midwife’s assurance that it
> was like approximately 8 big men drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate
> and it wasn't going to crash through the floor. Then we went to bed and
> tried to get some sleep. Matilda being Matilda there wasn't much of that,
> nor for the next four nights.
>
> Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our
> circle. Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant who
> had been given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our birth. We
> made An invitation for this new life to come into the world. The principles
> were up on our apartment walls and we posted sessions that could happen at
> any time. They included “Music and dancing”, “Wise Teachers”, “Love and
> welcome”, “Filling the pool” etc..
>
> Now if you go through the principles and think about it you’ll realise how
> pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when you are hundred
> miles from home and dealing with all the things that come with setting up
> for the holding of space for the entry of a new life into this world.
>
> Whenever it starts is the right time.
> Whoever comes are the right people.
> When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of course!)
> Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever it happens is
> the right place.
>
> Law of two feet/mobility.
>
> Be prepared to be surprised!
>
> Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA compared
> to Europe we had watched the great film “The business of being born” and
> had been given a recommendation by our UK midwife of a midwife in the
> States. We discovered it was not only the midwife in this film but that she
> was living two streets away from us in the East village opposite a
> restaurant called “Matilda”!
>
> During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying, finding out
> about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and also Ina May
> Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be interchangeable with
> work on creativity/opening space. For example: Odent's  advice that he
> usually turns up at a birth and says: “Do you mind if I go take a nap in
> the room down the corridor.” Also “the best place for an obstetricians
> hands are in his pockets” etc.. All this work is about space.. space..
> opening space.. Holding space. Its about trusting in emergence, whilst
> holding off on intervention.
>
> Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and our
> Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of physical and
> emotional experience. They were both fantastic at holding and creating a
> safe space for us both and they allowed me to support Matilda in following
> herself mentally and physically.
>
> It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to be
> our little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very long and
> although it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the later stages,
> our wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of helpers who appeared in
> various guises throughout the three days pulled us through and our home
> birth happened as we had hoped. Others who helped were Pat an astonishing
> acupuncturist who turned up on the Thursday night who just happened to be
> nearby and gave Matilda "liquid hips”! and Miriam a midwife colleague of
> Cara's who appeared because she had texted Cara to meet for a coffee just
> when we needed support because it looked like the baby’s heart was slowing.
> She walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly whoever
> comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby out fast with
> Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We stood Matilda up and
> the baby was born not in the pool but in front of our sofa. (Wherever it
> happens is the right place.)
>
> As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing it all
> without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool, the open space
> principles and repeated playings of "The Bare Necessities" to get her
> through.
>
> At 8.47am on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born. Because of his difficult
> route his head was squished into a rather dramatic lopsided horn, (“be
> prepared to be surprised” and “whatever happens is the only thing that
> could have”), which quickly disappeared. Riddley Wilbur McDermott (Whoever
> comes are the right people.) is now doing very well. He is particularly
> beautiful.
>
> Here's a photo of him:
>
>
> http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-libatique-73-lens-kodot
>
> Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space that
> has opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary, exhilarating
> and profoundly humbling. We love him.
>
> For our new family it is of course just beginning...  (When it's not over
> it's not over.)
>
>
> Lots of love
>
> Phelim X
>
> ________________________________
>
> I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the working
> day. I am currently aiming to respond the following day. If it is urgent
> please call me on 07956 187298.
> _____________________________________
>
> www.improbable.co.uk
> @openspacer
> @wosonos2012
>
>
>
>
>
>
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-- 
*UPCOMING WORKSHOPS in the transformative inquiry process of The Work: *

   - Intro to The Work,
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Spring<http://caitlinfrost.ca/workshops/being-peace-saltspring/>Centre
of Yoga, April 13-15
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4-6
   - *The Work @* work. What is Holding YOU
Back?<http://caitlinfrost.ca/workshops/the-work-at-work/>Edmonton May
26/27

www.caitlinfrost.ca

*IMPROV on Bowen* - starts February 16th.  *email me for more info.*

*The Art of Participatory
Leadership*<http://berkana.org/berkana_events/aoh_utah/>
*,* Utah, February 8th - 11th

*If you really knew how beautiful you are, **
you would fall at your own feet.*
*Byron Katie.*

CAITLIN FROST
Coaching and Facilitation
Certified Facilitator - The Work of Byron Katie
Principal - Harvest Moon Consultants Ltd.
www.caitlinfrost.ca
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