[OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold

Sat Dec 1 20:32:10 PST 2012

Dear HO and Harold and all,

Oh, yes.

This vividly reminds me of the first real Open Space I ever came to: the
Practice of Peace at the Whidbey Institute in 2003. Tova Averbuch and Chris
Corrigan offered a session called Grief as an Act of Peacemaking; Grief in
the Facilitator. I recall Tova speaking at the end about a light net
(bright, and also not heavy) (of relationships and connections) that holds
and supports us in as we go through the grief process.
(here are the notes for that session:
http://pop.bigmindcatalyst.com/cgi/bmc.pl?node=5541&range=first)
(and here's the conference site in general:
http://pop.bigmindcatalyst.com/cgi/bmc.pl?node=1)

Our time together during those few days seemed to me to be especially
intense, and maybe that happened partly because it brought together so many
people who were living in and opening space in places of high conflict.
Many sessions touched on and explored great sorrow and pain and seemingly
unbridgeable differences; others unfolded into profound sweetness,
connection, humor, joy; and (of course!) a lot of them contained all of the
above.

Harrison, you write "To the extent that OST is self-organization at work,
it is equally and also Grief Work at work." and I experience that as true.
And I also experience it as Joy Work and Anger Work and Fear Work and
Gratitude Work and etc, etc - all the deep emotions, as Harold pointed out.
When the space is open and held, then we all get to have our whole full
experiences of whatever it is, whenever it is, wherever it is. In
particular, the griefwork scours us and tenderizes us, and somehow helps us
to bear the poignancy of being alive. Or Something Like That. ;-)

And, oh, a tiny bit early *Happy Birthday, Harrison!*
(somehow I think you will appreciate the surprise harmony of sending happy
birthday blessings attached to this particular topic!)

thanks and love, Christy

Christy Lee-Engel, ND, LAc
Director, Bastyr University Center for Spirituality, Science, and
Medicine<https://www.facebook.com/BastyrSpiritualityScienceMedicine>
Acupuncture and Naturopathic Medicine practice: Core Chiropractic and
Wellness <http://corechiropracticseattle.com/>
clinic: 206.708.7172
cell: 206.399.0868
*

"Throw yourself completely into the aliveness of your life. It's pretty
risky. You could lose yourself. There's nothing to hold onto." - Yun-men
*

On Sat, Nov 24, 2012 at 8:44 AM, Harrison Owen <hhowen at verizon.net> wrote:

> Harold – the best part of your message came at the end, and for me it was
> the most important therefore deserving its own special note… Something
> about the “Joys of Grief.”****
>
> ** **
>
> Harold said: “As you said in Wave Rider, OST has a deep connection to the
> grieving process that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described as a part of facing
> death. Which for me is fascinating given how much joy I always experience -
> but it is almost always accompanied other deep emotions as well.”****
>
> ** **
>
> You have put your finger on an important point, which may seem paradoxical
> or even contradictory, but really is neither. The truth is, grieving (or
> more properly The Grief Work Process) is fundamentally joyful, even
> triumphant, at least that is the intent which is realized only when the
> process comes to completion. Simply put, it is the way we as human beings
> move from loss to renewal, from ending to new beginning, from the encounter
> with death to the experience of new life. Of course, if the process is
> aborted along the way, the final results are inevitably dismal and painful.
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Obviously what I have said above can be viewed a total nonsense, or worse,
> but stick with me, and I think I can get you there… But first something
> about the connection to Open Space. It will come as no surprise that I find
> Open Space to be nothing more than self organization at work. In a word,
> Open Space works because self organization works. And, self organization is
> itself a process.****
>
> ** **
>
> The process of self organization can be described in infinite, complex
> detail, but reduced to essentials, the steps are as follows: Order, Chaos,
> New and more complex order. It goes like this. Once upon a time there was
> this organization, a fine human system that lived a comfortable productive
> life. All seemed right with the world, but one day that world changed, and
> what was once a comfortable fit became increasingly challenging. The poor
> organization did all that it could, going this way and that -- seeking a
> path. But to no avail – and comfortable order dissolved into PAINFUL chaos.
> But there is, or at least there can be a next chapter. Through the alchemy
> of self organization new and more complex order appears, and life goes on.
> But the question abides. How do we get from here to there? How do we deal
> with the pain? The answer, I think, is the Grief Work Process.****
>
> ** **
>
> Elisabeth Kübler-Ross made history when she identified and described the
> essential steps we all go through in the face of Death, our own or that of
> another. In my work it became clear that groups of people (organizations)
> go through exactly the same process when faced with ending. And that ending
> can come in all sorts of flavors: the end of a project, the end of a way of
> life, the ending of a company – but the response is identical in all
> situations. At the moment of ending, which I have characterized as an “Oh
> Shit Moment,” there is Shock and Anger. This is followed by Denial, then
> Memories (Stories of how it used to be), Despair – the bitter/sweet instant
> of letting it all go. Then we come to Open Space, intense silence with
> nothing there and everything potential. The process comes to an end when
> two magic words are spoken, “I wonder if…” I wonder if I/we can build a new
> company, find a new career, meet a new life partner. When wonder and
> imagination come together, there you have Vision, and the cycle is complete.
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Obviously I have covered a lot of territory with very few details. If you
> want more check out my book “Wave Rider.” But hopefully I have said enough
> so that at the least you get the function and flavor of Grief Work. To be
> sure, it begins at a very painful moment, but the end of the story is all
> about joy. Functionally, Griefwork is the means by which we as human beings
> navigate the painful parts of self-organization. Things end, and that is
> always painful. But when they re-organize (self-organize) life goes on, and
> Griefwork gets us there. I find it to be hardwired into our humanity. We
> don’t have to think about it at all – works all by itself. Each step is
> necessary, and none can be skipped, no matter how much we might like to
> move directly from ending to new beginning.****
>
> ** **
>
> Another way of looking at Grief Work – It is what human self-organizing
> systems do as a major part of the adaptive process. And here is the
> connection to Open Space Technology: To the extent that OST is
> self-organization at work, it is equally and also Grief Work at work.
> Knowing this, and being acutely sensitive to what is going on, can be
> extraordinarily helpful to our understanding of what is happening with our
> clients, and what they may be doing/saying/manifesting during the time in
> Open Space. ****
>
> ** **
>
> A related factor is that Griefwork, like all other aspects of self
> organization, function best when there is sufficient time/space (open
> space) to move around in. Things shut down when arbitrary control is
> imposed – and that is sadly what happens often in the everyday world of
> organizations. Most obviously, nobody wants to talk about dying/ending. And
> those who do are often viewed as strange, weird, pessimists, or macabre.
> Definitely a no-no! And when there is such conversation it can only be
> entered into under controlled circumstance – quietly and in moderation. Is
> it any wonder then that when space is suddenly opened, the unspeakable is
> spoken? That Open Space is so often experienced as an amazing passage from
> controlled silence to serious Joy?****
>
> ** **
>
> Thank you Harold for surfacing a critical element in our “practice.” As we
> move along from beginnings, to middles … and ask ourselves about What
> Nexts? – I would believe that we have the details of the process (OST) down
> pretty well, AND I know there are vast areas to explore and understand.***
> *
>
> ** **
>
> Harrison****
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
>
>
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Harrison Owen****
>
> 7808 River Falls Dr.****
>
> Potomac, MD 20854****
>
> USA****
>
> ** **
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave. (summer)****
>
> Camden, Maine 20854****
>
> ** **
>
> Phone 301-365-2093****
>
> (summer)  207-763-3261****
>
> ** **
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <http://www.openspaceworld.com%20> ****
>
> www.ho-image.com <http://www.ho-image.com%20> (Personal Website)****
>
> To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of
> OSLIST Go to:
> http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org****
>
> ** **
>
> _______________________________________________
> OSList mailing list
> To post send emails to OSList at lists.openspacetech.org
> To unsubscribe send an email to OSList-leave at lists.openspacetech.org
> To subscribe or manage your subscription click below:
> http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
>
>
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.openspacetech.org/pipermail/oslist-openspacetech.org/attachments/20121201/d65b2a6c/attachment-0007.htm>