Poem: I Must

[Jeff Aitken]

Forwarding this short piece and poem, which was posted to the Art of Hosting list by Tenneson Woolf. It reminds me of Harrison's old phrase "crossing the Open Space", that act of diving into the unknown, often whether we feel ready or not:

"I have been reading poetry written by my grandmother. My daughter and I are compiling them into a book. It is great delight to read these with Zoe, my soon to be 13 year-old. Grandma, Lena Ross, died this past April. She was a feminist, a visionary, a gifted leader, a tough warrior, a beautiful midwife. She was a host before we began speaking of hosting.
 
In this poem, I love the sense of inner awakening that she speaks. And perhaps a little on what we speak of as the chaordic path.
 
A little offering to the center – this poem by my grandma that speaks of a churning that I know in me and in each other in this hosting work."
 
I MUST
 
grow and I must stretch and
feel the unrest and discontent
with my own circumstances
no matter
how comfortable I have made them
 
the need to grow begins to haunt me
when I grow too comfortable
I cannot explain it
nobody taught me how to explain it
there are no words
just the constant ache to expand a little
 
and feeling that need
like a tooth that needs fixing
 
and needing also some place in  which to do it
and there being no arena for me, woman
child
and man too sometimes man – humanity
 
and there being none
for my need and
the awful ignorance of how to fill it
 
and I must fulfill
this need somehow
 
from my not knowing any other way
I consciously and unconsciously must 
 
CREATE SOME CHAOS
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