inner aggression and the OST facilitator/what I have learned

[Jennifer Hurley]

On 4/18/05 2:29 PM, "Therese Fitzpatrick" <therese.fitzpatrick at gmail.com>
wrote:

> I am reminded of something my daughter and I learned as we raised each
> other.  We came to realize that it is possible to say anything to
> another person; the key is how we say it.
>
> And the key to the how is to be open, not attached to outcome

Therese, thank you so much for this beautiful reminder and profound way of
saying it.  I love the idea of you and your daughter raising each other.

I have been holding off on sharing what I have learned, partly because I am
so new to OS, but what you wrote spoke directly to my musings about what
I've learned.  The thing that I carry around with me from OS is the sense of
INVITATION.  I have learned that from both the practice and the many
wonderful writings on this list.  No one can really *make* someone else do
something, which means that I am not in control.  All I can really do is
invite, but inviting is so powerful that it's enough.

All those lines, I highly recommend *Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss
What Matters Most* by Douglas Stone and others.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/014028852X/qid=1113850597/sr=1
-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2275414-0730458?v=glance&s=books
The kernel I took away from the book is that I really don't know what the
other person meant unless I ask them.  Most of the time, when my feelings
are hurt or I'm angry, it's about what I think the person meant.  The best
way to start the conversation is to ask about my assumptions.  It opens
things up, creating space for more understanding.

Thanks everyone, for the companionship on the journey--

Jennifer Hurley
-------------------------------
Hurley~Franks and Associates
Planning & Urban Design

1429 Walnut St., Ste. 601
Philadelphia, PA 19102

P: 215-988-9440
JLHurley at HFAdesign.com
http://www.hfadesign.com

Association for the New Urbanism in PennsylvaniA (ANUPA)
http://www.anupa.org

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