Comparing methodologies
Lynda Moe
humana at paradise.net.nz
Mon Sep 15 17:26:20 PDT 2003
WOW! How profound. Thanks for your sharing Julie.
Hi everyone ... I'm new to the list and have just been enjoying the info to
date and learning more as I go along.
Cheers
Lynda
Lynda Moe
Lynda Moe Transformations
PO Box 19008
Avondale, Auckland
TP/Fax: 649 820 0633
humana at paradise.net.nz
-----Original Message-----
From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU]On Behalf Of Julie
Smith
Sent: Tuesday, 16 September 2003 09:13
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Re: Comparing methodologies
Chris and All ~
Your story about leaving the room (because you needed to) brings to mind
my most recent OST, where I stayed visibly present in the room (because
I needed to). I offer this because I think the art of living, and of
OST, is to know when to be visible, and when to be invisible; when to
speak, and when to be silent. Not yin or yang, but both yin and yang.
(I bring this up because it seems to me that our OST conversation tends
to articulate and support OST as a way for facilitators to express the
receptive yin, and provides less permission for facilitators to express
the assertive yang. I think wholeness as a human being and as a
facilitator requires comfort with and ability to express both.)
Two weeks ago I facilitated an OST for a class of 30 7th and 8th graders
(12 - 14 years old) in one of our local schools. When I met with them
the prior week to plan the OST, it was clear there were many conflicts
impeding the harmony of the classroom. They were pretty sure OST
wouldn't work for them, but they agreed they were willing to give it a
try. They decided on a theme of "Respect In Our Classroom." We were
allotted 3 hours (a relatively long period of time in a classroom
setting). I left the planning meeting curious, but unconcerned. I
expected a typical OST to follow.
My first inkling that this would not be business as usual was during the
posting of topics. Insults were slung freely. Arguments erupted.
Emotional appeals for intervention were made to the teacher. The
wording of a posted topic was altered without permission of the original
author. General mayhem ensued. The teacher was very worried, and needed
some semblance of order. We all did. The students actively ignored my
presence in the circle and my requests for attention. Finally, somehow,
I had their attention. I suggested that the best way for them to talk
about their issues was to start the sessions. I also told them that
given the level of dissension in the room, I would be willing to
facilitate a mediation between conflicting parties if invited to do so.
(I'm not sure what I think about this choice, but this is what I did.)
All but a handful of students ended up in one session, where the
discussion again raged at full tilt. Students talked over each other in
a heated frenzy of words. The noise level escalated. Students shouted
to be heard. Some students stood up and talked even louder to gain
attention. Several students attempted to take a leading role in
facilitating the conversation, but failed. One student came to me to
tell me how he was trying to help the group, as if he wanted me to
anoint him the facilitator. I told him I couldn't do that, and observed
that he wasn't exactly a neutral person in the group, and that might be
why he wasn't being allowed to facilitate. I also told him I would be
willing to come in and try to help the group hold their conversation,
but only if the group invited me to do so. He went back. They voted on
whether they wanted my help. The vote was about 50% for and 50%
against. He decided that meant they didn't want my help. The battle
raged. Two students faced off, then backed down. I was worried. The
teacher was VERY worried. I seriously considered intervening without
invitation, but kept resisting that impulse, wanting to give them every
opportunity to make the process work. Finally, a key student (I'll call
her Ann) left the room. Ann was the student who seemed to magnetize the
most energy and drama. If I believed in space invaders, I might have
thought her one. Wherever she went, fireworks erupted. When she left,
everything changed. Whew. (Harrison, our conversation of old helped me
get through this. In retrospect I can see that you were exactly right.
There was enough space for her to leave, and leave she did. That made
what happened next possible.)
After Ann left, the original group dispersed and mostly reformed in a
different space for the next session. They selected a respected (and
neutral) classmate to facilitate the discussion. This conversation was
important because it concerned the care of another living being, the
classroom gecko. It turns out Ann was the gecko's current caretaker,
and there were some concerns about feeding and cleanliness. The group
agreed on the identification of care issues, and they carefully thought
through how they wanted to approach the topic with Ann. They agreed to
send a person she trusted to talk with her about the issues, and he
decided to ask me to accompany him to do so. Ann was back in the
regular classroom. We walked there to talk with her. At first she
refused to talk, then gave me a long look, and agreed. The conversation
took less than a minute. He gave her information she didn't have (where
the food for the crickets was stored, why the crickets were dying before
they were fed to the gecko, how often the aquarium should be cleaned).
She was relieved to have the information because it resolved many of her
concerns for the gecko. She clearly wanted to take good care of the
gecko. She thanked him for the information. They agreed they would
talk again if any new problems developed.
The boy walked away, problem solved. Ann muttered under her breath that
the people she REALLY wanted to talk with were two other boys. I
accepted her invitation, and asked what she wanted to talk with them
about. She said she couldn't say, because one of her teachers had told
her not to talk about it. I asked her if she could tell me. Her eyes
welled up with tears. She told me a friend had died a year ago, and the
two boys had spread rumors about him. She said she didn't understand why
they did that, and since that time she could barely stand to look at
either of them. I asked her if she wanted me to talk with her teacher
to see if it would be okay if she talked with them about it. She said
yes. By the time I came back to the room, they had somehow already
gathered and begun talking. I quietly sat down on the floor next to
them. She told of her long friendship with her friend, how sad she was
when he died, and the memories it raised of other losses in her life.
The boys were both deeply respectful. They listened fully as she spoke.
They asked questions. Both told of the serious consequences they had
received from their parents for what they had done. One revealed the
losses he was facing in his life, and his sadness that his father was
again stationed in Afghanistan. She listened and expressed sympathy for
his situation. One was very remorseful, and expressed a sincere and
heartfelt apology. The other expressed less remorse because he was a
friend to a girl who had been seriously harmed by the boy who died. He
felt a deep loyalty to his friend and her suffering. Still, he
expressed a sincere apology for hurting Ann, something he never intended
to do. Ann dried her tears and said she felt better. The boys again
apologized. Again, whew. (I now understand "whew." It is the out
breath of release and relief.)
I went back to our OST meeting room. In between things I had been
watching a very quiet and reserved young boy who had spent the entire
time in his own session. He had taken some flip chart paper and markers
and created a poster titled "Respecting Each Other." He wrote if
someone was crying we should ask them what was wrong, and that we should
be compassionate and merciful. He didn't know how to spell
compassionate and merciful, so he found a dictionary and made sure he
spelled them right. And then he defined each of those word. Then he
added a little more about being loving and kind. I could have hugged
him.
We did a short talking stick closing. People still wanted to talk after
one pass, so we did a second round.
And then we were done. They went back to class and I slowly put the
room back in order, filled with the wonder of it all.
Julie
*
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>From Mon Sep 15 22:33:42 2003
Message-Id: <MON.15.SEP.2003.223342.0700.>
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 22:33:42 -0700
Reply-To: chris at chriscorrigan.com
To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
From: Chris Corrigan <chris at chriscorrigan.com>
Subject: Re: Comparing methodologies
In-Reply-To: <000001c37bce$159854d0$211dc1d1 at COMPUTER>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Julie:
Whew...the edge of my seat is fully occupied.
Great story...great learnings. Thanks,
Chris
---
CHRIS CORRIGAN
Bowen Island, BC, Canada
http://www.chriscorrigan.com
chris at chriscorrigan.com
(604) 947-9236
> -----Original Message-----
> From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of
Julie
> Smith
> Sent: Monday, September 15, 2003 2:13 PM
> To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
> Subject: Re: Comparing methodologies
>
> Chris and All ~
>
> Your story about leaving the room (because you needed to) brings to
mind
> my most recent OST, where I stayed visibly present in the room
(because
> I needed to). I offer this because I think the art of living, and of
> OST, is to know when to be visible, and when to be invisible; when to
> speak, and when to be silent. Not yin or yang, but both yin and yang.
> (I bring this up because it seems to me that our OST conversation
tends
> to articulate and support OST as a way for facilitators to express the
> receptive yin, and provides less permission for facilitators to
express
> the assertive yang. I think wholeness as a human being and as a
> facilitator requires comfort with and ability to express both.)
>
> Two weeks ago I facilitated an OST for a class of 30 7th and 8th
graders
> (12 - 14 years old) in one of our local schools. When I met with them
> the prior week to plan the OST, it was clear there were many conflicts
> impeding the harmony of the classroom. They were pretty sure OST
> wouldn't work for them, but they agreed they were willing to give it a
> try. They decided on a theme of "Respect In Our Classroom." We were
> allotted 3 hours (a relatively long period of time in a classroom
> setting). I left the planning meeting curious, but unconcerned. I
> expected a typical OST to follow.
>
> My first inkling that this would not be business as usual was during
the
> posting of topics. Insults were slung freely. Arguments erupted.
> Emotional appeals for intervention were made to the teacher. The
> wording of a posted topic was altered without permission of the
original
> author. General mayhem ensued. The teacher was very worried, and
needed
> some semblance of order. We all did. The students actively ignored
my
> presence in the circle and my requests for attention. Finally,
somehow,
> I had their attention. I suggested that the best way for them to talk
> about their issues was to start the sessions. I also told them that
> given the level of dissension in the room, I would be willing to
> facilitate a mediation between conflicting parties if invited to do
so.
> (I'm not sure what I think about this choice, but this is what I did.)
>
> All but a handful of students ended up in one session, where the
> discussion again raged at full tilt. Students talked over each other
in
> a heated frenzy of words. The noise level escalated. Students
shouted
> to be heard. Some students stood up and talked even louder to gain
> attention. Several students attempted to take a leading role in
> facilitating the conversation, but failed. One student came to me to
> tell me how he was trying to help the group, as if he wanted me to
> anoint him the facilitator. I told him I couldn't do that, and
observed
> that he wasn't exactly a neutral person in the group, and that might
be
> why he wasn't being allowed to facilitate. I also told him I would be
> willing to come in and try to help the group hold their conversation,
> but only if the group invited me to do so. He went back. They voted
on
> whether they wanted my help. The vote was about 50% for and 50%
> against. He decided that meant they didn't want my help. The battle
> raged. Two students faced off, then backed down. I was worried. The
> teacher was VERY worried. I seriously considered intervening without
> invitation, but kept resisting that impulse, wanting to give them
every
> opportunity to make the process work. Finally, a key student (I'll
call
> her Ann) left the room. Ann was the student who seemed to magnetize
the
> most energy and drama. If I believed in space invaders, I might have
> thought her one. Wherever she went, fireworks erupted. When she
left,
> everything changed. Whew. (Harrison, our conversation of old helped
me
> get through this. In retrospect I can see that you were exactly
right.
> There was enough space for her to leave, and leave she did. That made
> what happened next possible.)
>
> After Ann left, the original group dispersed and mostly reformed in a
> different space for the next session. They selected a respected (and
> neutral) classmate to facilitate the discussion. This conversation
was
> important because it concerned the care of another living being, the
> classroom gecko. It turns out Ann was the gecko's current caretaker,
> and there were some concerns about feeding and cleanliness. The group
> agreed on the identification of care issues, and they carefully
thought
> through how they wanted to approach the topic with Ann. They agreed
to
> send a person she trusted to talk with her about the issues, and he
> decided to ask me to accompany him to do so. Ann was back in the
> regular classroom. We walked there to talk with her. At first she
> refused to talk, then gave me a long look, and agreed. The
conversation
> took less than a minute. He gave her information she didn't have
(where
> the food for the crickets was stored, why the crickets were dying
before
> they were fed to the gecko, how often the aquarium should be cleaned).
> She was relieved to have the information because it resolved many of
her
> concerns for the gecko. She clearly wanted to take good care of the
> gecko. She thanked him for the information. They agreed they would
> talk again if any new problems developed.
>
> The boy walked away, problem solved. Ann muttered under her breath
that
> the people she REALLY wanted to talk with were two other boys. I
> accepted her invitation, and asked what she wanted to talk with them
> about. She said she couldn't say, because one of her teachers had
told
> her not to talk about it. I asked her if she could tell me. Her eyes
> welled up with tears. She told me a friend had died a year ago, and
the
> two boys had spread rumors about him. She said she didn't understand
why
> they did that, and since that time she could barely stand to look at
> either of them. I asked her if she wanted me to talk with her teacher
> to see if it would be okay if she talked with them about it. She said
> yes. By the time I came back to the room, they had somehow already
> gathered and begun talking. I quietly sat down on the floor next to
> them. She told of her long friendship with her friend, how sad she
was
> when he died, and the memories it raised of other losses in her life.
> The boys were both deeply respectful. They listened fully as she
spoke.
> They asked questions. Both told of the serious consequences they had
> received from their parents for what they had done. One revealed the
> losses he was facing in his life, and his sadness that his father was
> again stationed in Afghanistan. She listened and expressed sympathy
for
> his situation. One was very remorseful, and expressed a sincere and
> heartfelt apology. The other expressed less remorse because he was a
> friend to a girl who had been seriously harmed by the boy who died.
He
> felt a deep loyalty to his friend and her suffering. Still, he
> expressed a sincere apology for hurting Ann, something he never
intended
> to do. Ann dried her tears and said she felt better. The boys again
> apologized. Again, whew. (I now understand "whew." It is the out
> breath of release and relief.)
>
> I went back to our OST meeting room. In between things I had been
> watching a very quiet and reserved young boy who had spent the entire
> time in his own session. He had taken some flip chart paper and
markers
> and created a poster titled "Respecting Each Other." He wrote if
> someone was crying we should ask them what was wrong, and that we
should
> be compassionate and merciful. He didn't know how to spell
> compassionate and merciful, so he found a dictionary and made sure he
> spelled them right. And then he defined each of those word. Then he
> added a little more about being loving and kind. I could have hugged
> him.
>
> We did a short talking stick closing. People still wanted to talk
after
> one pass, so we did a second round.
>
> And then we were done. They went back to class and I slowly put the
> room back in order, filled with the wonder of it all.
>
> Julie
>
> *
> *
> ==========================================================
> OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
> ------------------------------
> To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options,
> view the archives of oslist at listserv.boisestate.edu,
> Visit:
>
> http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html
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>From Tue Sep 16 08:50:26 2003
Message-Id: <TUE.16.SEP.2003.085026.0100.>
Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 08:50:26 +0100
Reply-To: martin at martinleith.com
To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
From: Martin Leith <martin at martinleith.com>
Subject: yin and yang
In-Reply-To: <000001c37bce$159854d0$211dc1d1 at COMPUTER>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Julie,
Thank you for telling your beautiful story - I'm moved to tears.
Thanks also for the "yin AND yang" insight, which is a profound one.
Martin
*
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