Notice of Revocation of Independence (a joke)

Artur F. Silva artsilva at mail.eunet.pt
Sat Nov 18 08:06:37 PST 2000


[Note to our american friends: please note that this is only a joke, that
I received from a portuguese speaking list, where it was posted by a brasilian
subscriber, and find interesting to redistribut here, as it relates to other
questions under discussin. I have no intention of offending any american
citizen; to further show my own ignorance, can any one please tell me
where is Utah? Regards - Artur]


 > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United
 > States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of
 > the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
 > revocation of your independence, effective today.
 > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
 > over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah,
 > which she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony
 > Blair, MP -
 > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
 > world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without
 > the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be
 > disbanded.
 > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
 > you noticed.
 > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
 > rules are introduced with immediate effect:
 >
 > 1.  You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
 > Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
 > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you
 > should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
 > Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
 > "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
 > communication.
 > Look up "interspersed".
 >
 > 2.  There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft
 > know on your behalf.
 >
 > 3.  You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
 > accents. It really isn't that hard.
 >
 > 4.  Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
 > the good guys.
 >
 > 5.  You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
 > Queen",but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
 > to get confused and give up half way through.
 >
 > 6.  You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one
 > kind of football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very
 > good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
 > your
 > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
 > You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
 > football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is
 > a
 > difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
 > to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
 > involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
 > body armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US
 > rugby
 > sevens side by 2005.
 >
 > 7.  You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
 > if they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
 > there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
 > The Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
 >
 > 8.  July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a
 > new national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called
 > "Indecisive Day".
 >
 > 9.  All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
 > your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what
 > we mean.
 >
 > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
 >
 > Thank you for your cooperation.

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