Can you help?

[PKaipa at aol.com]

I would appreciate your reading of this letter. I just don't know what to do
and thought
sharing it would help. If you do not want to receive such letters in the
future, please let
me know and I will honor your request. Thank you.

I woke up this morning really hurting. There is a pain, unbearable pain in my
body. I am sad, really sad about my inability to do anything about it. It has
something to do with me and my inability to change. It also has something to
do with what is going on around me.

I am also really saddened and feel helpless about what is happening in the
country and in the world. It feels like we are going towards a disaster with
our eyes open and not caring. I feel like President Clinton is being
sacrificed and being made a scapegoat. I think Clinton is feeling more and
more desperate, and build walls around him to ignore this issue altogether.

I can feel my own protective behavior that shows up whenever I am afraid and I
can see how I maintain my sanity by ignoring the outrage and anger that wells
up in me. I am hurt because I relate to Clinton. I have done some similar
things in my life and have lied to others to protect my behind. My family
forgave me and gave me another chance even though I didn't deserve a third
chance. Thanks to their kindness and forgiveness, I am bigger and learning to
deal with my own dysfunctional behavior and find ways to reduce my own moral
outrage and judgment towards others.

I am feeling pained because I feel helpless to do anything about it. Everybody
I talked with in past few days are saddened about what is going on. While
virtually all the people agree that Clinton screwed up, there is forgiveness,
a sense of fairness and compassion in the hearts of people I talked with. They
respect Clinton for what he has done and condemn him for what he did and his
arrogance. I can relate to that arrogance too. I sometimes feel that I could
do anything I want and get away with it using my bright mind. I have done so
in my past and justified that I have not really crossed the boundaries. That
attitude makes me blind and makes me feel invincible at times even though I
fell many times and hurt myself and others. That is why, I can relate to
Clinton.

It is sad because everybody cares but nobody seems to be able to do anything
about it. This impeachment inquiry has become an avalanche that seems to
gather momentum every day. We are all moving towards something that nobody
wants. Everybody is hoping that somebody else will do something about it and
living in hope. It is a national tragedy and I feel the pain and the outrage.

I am not a democrat or a republican. I am not even US Citizen. It hurts me
because I see that nobody is in charge but nobody wants to admit to that. It
pains me because self-interest rules above everything else. It outrages me
because what is being done is not fair by any standards.

I am nobody to ask you to write to your congressman or to express your outrage
if you feel it. May be we are all in a coma or may be we are all asleep. May
be we are all so happy with the economic upturn, prosperity and holiday
celebrations. I don't know whether you share my feelings at all. I don't know
whether anybody can do anything to wake up the sleeping giant --- our own
individual and collective conscience.

For me, the celebrations are hollow. Peace and Joy that I experience is skin
deep. I feel discomfort in my stomach about how selfish I am and how happy I
am that my family is doing well this year. While I am blessed with food on the
table and good clothes and gifts for my family this year, I am not too sure of
others. Whether it is in Middle East or in Albania or in Russia, the pain,
foreboding of upcoming winter related hunger, cold and suffering are all much
too vivid on my mind. May be, I am too numb to feel anything anymore and too
selfish to do anything.

An old (2500 years old) story goes that a woman was deeply affected by the
lose of her loved one and wanted Buddha to bring that person back to life.
Buddha asked that woman to go to each house in the city and get rice from the
house that has no grief and no loss of life (of a loved one) in the recent
times. The woman came back empty handed realizing that suffering is universal
and everybody has something that they are grieving for.

I heard that in Bible, there is a story about a woman who is declared immoral
by the society and people wanted to stone her to death. When she came to Jesus
Christ for rescue, I was told that He asked the person who did not commit any
sin should throw the first stone.

I would like to ask the congressman or woman who has not committed similar
sins should cast the first vote to impeach 'the sinner' in front of them. I
hope they can see what they are doing to themselves and to others. I wish they
begin to identify themselves more as human beings first and then congressman
and then democrat or republican. One can justify what they are doing by
identifying themselves along party lines. But can they justify what they are
doing as human beings?

I am not writing this letter for you to do something. I am sharing my pain and
sadness and my own helplessness about the situation in the world. I am humbled
by my own limitations both personally and professionally. I feel unbearable
pain about what is going on don't quite know what to do about it. I wanted to
share it to see whether I am crazy or my suffering is shared by others.

Can you help me to understand what is going on? Who is responsible for what is
going on? What is my responsibility? What is yours? Do you know what you/I can
do?

Thank you for listening and caring and I would appreciate any help that you
can give!
Prasad Kaipa

If you think it helps, please feel free to send this letter to others who
might be able to make a difference!